Guest Post on Pregnant Chicken: The Seven Stages of Picking a Name for Your Baby

While the physical discomfort was bad, the most stressful thing for me about pregnancy was picking a freaking name for the baby. (Especially this time around, when Little Bird’s labor was bizarrely quick. But that’s a story for another time.) As I’m sure I’m not the only one who struggles with this, I wrote a guest post called the Seven Stages of Picking a Name for Your Baby for Pregnant Chicken.

Besides labor, picking a name is one of the hardest things about having a baby. It’s rumored that there are couples who have a name for each gender picked out before conception. But for the rest of us, it’s a process fraught with uncertainty, frustration and confusion. We also kind of hope those prepared parents’ kid changes their name during a quarter-life crisis. While not everyone goes through these, here are seven common stages of naming a baby:

Read the rest at Pregnant Chicken!

The Agony and the Ecstasy of the Third Trimester

Note: I started this essay before Little Bird was born, but thought I’d finish it off even though the third trimester is now thoroughly over! Content note: pregnancy loss / miscarriage, pregnancy complications

The Agony and Ecstasy of the Third Trimester

The most dreaded era of pregnancy: the third trimester. But even though it could be a slog at times, my third trimester was also the best part of my whole pregnancy.

Of course, I dealt with a variety of physical discomfort. From retaining enough fluid that my wedding ring hadn’t fit for months to the baby being in possibly the least comfortable positions possible, it was damn painful. I think he enjoyed sitting on my kidneys and doing upside down push-ups on my hip bones. The Braxton hicks contractions – oh, the Braxton Hicks! The “irritable uterus,” where it gets ineffably hard for long periods at a time, made its return. The lack of sleep was a killer, especially the fact that I woke up every time I tried to turn over.

But despite all that, my mental and emotional health was much more solid than it was any other time in my pregnancy.

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Guest Post at Good Mother Project: Unexpected Complications

Trigger Warning: Miscarriage, pregnancy loss, pregnancy complications

As I mentioned a few months ago, I had some significant complications with my pregnancy. In my tenth week, I had substantial bleeding – enough to go to the emergency room.  I recount this experience in a guest post called Unexpected Complications at the Good Mother Project, from the initial discovery to the lifting of the restrictions.  (This essay was originally written over a month ago, so we now know that the true resolution was actually wonderful.)

At the ten-week mark in my pregnancy, I was lying on the living room couch, still recovering from putting my toddler son to bed. Suddenly, I felt a bubble and then wetness. Running to the bathroom, I saw blood. My breath faltered and then emerged in gasps.

Read the rest of the post at the Good Mother Project.

A Day in the Life During the Third Trimester

Life is very different in the third trimester of pregnancy than it is during any other time in life. Here’s a bit of insight into how a normal day has been going for me:

A Day in the Life During the Third Trimester1:00 AM: Wake up to go to the bathroom.

3:00 AM: Wake up again to go to the bathroom. Scoop water into my mouth with my eyes closed because I’m inordinately thirsty.

6:35 AM: Alarm blares. Attempt to turn over. Eventually flop onto back, then wiggle onto my right side and lurch my legs over the side of the bed.

6:43 AM: Catch a glimpse of my hands. Realize that my left hand is currently three times fatter than the right. Stupid fluid retention.

6:45 AM: Get in the shower. Thank God for solitude and hot water.

7:05 AM: A little voice cries “Mommy mommy mommy!” After checking to see if Sprout’s pajamas are damp (this child does 90% of his peeing at night), lift him up and change his diaper. Send him into our bedroom to wake up my husband.

7:10 AM: Peek into the bedroom to see them snuggling in bed. Climb under the sheets for a few moments of wiggly bliss.

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When Restrictions Keep You From Lifting Your Toddler While Pregnant

Parenting with Pregnancy Restrictions. How can you be a good mom to a toddler or preschooler if you can't pick them up? Here's how. (Photo: Boy kissing a mom's very pregnant stomach.)

Sitting in the specialist ob-gyn’s office, there was good news and bad news. The good news was that I could avoid more scary bleeding during my pregnancy if I just followed a few simple guidelines. The bad news was that the guidelines were simple, but they weren’t easy. In particular, I was forbidden from lifting any heavy objects.

Looking at my two-year-old son, I asked the doctor, “Does that mean I can’t pick him up?” The answer? Definitely not. He was little, but  still way past my weight limit.

Not being able to lift my toddler while pregnant put a major crimp in my parenting options. Suddenly, a key piece of my toolkit disappeared, affecting everything from how I hugged my son to bedtime routines. Over the course of the months of restrictions, I figured out some strategies to adapt my parenting to these limitations.

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Guest Post on Good Mother Project: We Left Everything Except My Broken Body

Trigger Warning: Pregnancy loss, miscarriage

One of the most difficult things to talk about as a mother – for very good reason – is the loss of a pregnancy. I had the misfortune, in April to experience one in the 10th week of my pregnancy. In the hope that it helps other women who have gone through the same thing, I wrote about the experience for the Good Mother Project this week.

I was waiting for blood. Every time I went to the bathroom, I was waiting for those spots. But they never came. No sign that the life that had been developing inside me wasn’t any longer. That I was pregnant one minute and then wasn’t the next.

Read the rest of the post at the Good Mother Project: We Left Everything Except my Broken Body.

A Few Recommendations for Interacting with Me While Pregnant

I wrote this a while back, but haven’t been able to post it until now. Fortunately, a couple of these no longer apply – the doctor lifted my restrictions about a month ago, thank goodness.

Maybe it’s my badass attitude. Or maybe it’s the fact that I obviously respond with my lunch order when you ask “Do you know what you’re having?” Either way, I typically haven’t had a lot of strangers interact with me during my first or current pregnancy. Nonetheless, if you run into me, here are some rules for dealing with me while pregnant. While these rules aren’t universal, I’m pretty sure they apply widely beyond my personal situation.

1) No comments on the size of a woman’s feet. During my first pregnancy, I had some serious fluid retention. Towards the end, there was a single pair of stretchy shoes I could wear, which my feet overflowed out of like muffin tops at the end of each leg. If someone’s feet are twice as big as usual, believe me, she already knows it.

2) No saying “Oh, you’ll have your hands full!” Personally, I’ll respond poorly if you comment about how two boys will be so difficult for me to handle. For one, I’m not the primary caregiver – my husband is – so he’ll be the one juggling it the most. Secondly, my kid is the toddler version of Mr. Rogers; he loves button-down sweaters, enjoys quietly looking at books, and actually shares with other kids. Rather than having my bubble burst, I’d prefer to delude myself that our second kid will have a similarly calm demeanor. Similarly, no one else wants to hear about how their life is going to be a living hell – that’s what “You’ll have your hands full!” is the nice version of.

3) No donations of maternity clothes unless requested. I deeply appreciate the generosity of the many women who passed on maternity clothes during my first pregnancy. I appreciated the actual styles of said clothes far less. While they may have been attractive on some pregnant woman somewhere, they certainly weren’t on me.

4) No touching. This is pretty much a gimme, and yet some people just don’t seem to know (or acknowledge) it. Friends and family are an exception, but only if if they ask first. The only person who’s totally exempt from this rule is my toddler son and even I’ve yelled at him a bunch of times not to sit on / hit / squish / climb on his future brother. Good advice for life, really.

5) No horror stories. During my first pregnancy, I was a bit of a Smug Pregnant Lady at times. While I was nervous about becoming a mom, my pregnancy was pretty damn easy, all things considered. But this time around is different. Due to some heavy bleeding that sent me to the ER early on, I’m more wound up than a yo-yo on Adderall. I know a number of women for whom things went Very Badly and am perfectly capable of coming up with plenty more horrifying scenarios myself. And I know I’m not the only one. Neither I or any other pregnant women need your idle comments to feed our nightmares.

6) No saying “But it’s for the best” or “It’s all worth it” when we describe our restrictions. Due to said bleeding, I have some substantial restrictions on activities. Whereas during my first pregnancy, I walked a mile to the train every day, biked into my first trimester and was a yoga die-hard, this time I’m not allowed to walk for more than 10 minutes without sitting down. Taking away my main form of stress relief was awesome. In addition, I’m not allowed to lift my two-year-old (too heavy), which is super exciting when he plays the “I’m going to lie on the floor like a dead fish game” when I’m trying to put him in bed. Of course, following the doctor’s orders is for the best – I wouldn’t be doing it otherwise! But that doesn’t negate the fact that the restrictions still suck. I know plenty of women who have much more severe restrictions. If I or any other pregnant woman is complaining, please just sympathize.

7) Don’t treat us as some special category, but just people who will be having a baby in a couple of months. (Except for giving up your seats on the subway – that you can still do, thanks.)

Anticipating a New Member of the Family

My family of three is soon going to be a family of four. That’s right – I’m pregnant! I’m actually in my third trimester as of this week, but for a number of personal reasons, preferred not to reveal it on the blog before now. I’m due in April, about two months before Sprout’s third birthday.

To answer the first question everyone asks, it’s a boy. We didn’t have a gender reveal party or anything like that – I don’t like putting that heavy of an emphasis on gender – but I also don’t like being absurdly coy. So Sprout will be having a little brother. Chris suggested Sprig for his blog nickname, but I think that’s a bit derivative.

And to answer the second question, no, we haven’t decided on a name yet. We didn’t reveal Sprout’s real name to anyone (yes, that is a nickname) until our baby shower, so it’s about the same timing. Of course, that hasn’t stopped both Chris and my mother from making endless, unrequested suggestions, just like last time.

Besides picking a name, our other major priority is making sure the kiddo has somewhere to sleep. When Sprout was born, we put a bunch of stuff that had been in his room in our “office.” Even when we finished the basement, we didn’t stop cramming random stuff in the “extra room.” But now it’s no longer quite so “extra.” Unfortunately, it currently houses my dresser, Chris’s dresser, a giant desk, and a ton of random crap on the desk and floor. All meaning there is absolutely no room for a baby, much less all of his required equipment. My project for January is to totally clean out that room, so we can then fill it again with the baby’s stuff.

Fortunately, there’s very little we need to buy. Sprout’s crib converts into a toddler bed and he’s keeping his rocker, so we’ll need additional ones for the new baby. But almost everything else will be hand-me-downs from Sprout.

Besides sheer logistics, we’re preparing for the new baby in other ways. Sprout is now quite familiar with the fact that his brother will be arriving in the spring – or because he’s still pretty hazy on the seasons, when it gets warm and the trees start budding. I plan to go on maternity leave for two-and-half-months, so I’m trying to gets as much at work done ahead of time as possible. Unfortunately, communications is an unpredictable beast, so they’ll just have to figure how out to handle random media inquiries and needed talking points while I’m out. I’m quite fortunate that all of my leave is paid, a combination of the federal government’s fairly generous leave policy and the fact that I’ve been there nearly eight years.

As for the blog, I’ve been thinking of some special posts for that time, as writing is very difficult when holding and/or nursing a newborn. I’m looking at running some profiles and welcome any suggestions for guest posts!

Lastly, there’s my psychological preparation. While we’ve done all this before, having two kids is fundamentally different from having just one. Plus, this child’s personality is likely to be quite different from Sprout’s. Unfortunately, this isn’t an area I can turn to my parents for help on – I’m an only child.

Over the next few months, I expect to dive into all of these issues a bit here. While this isn’t going to become Pregnancy Central, I will have a number of posts on some of the challenges I’ve faced already and issues in the future. I invite you along for the journey as our family moves into its next stage!

Past Reflections on Pedaling while Pregnant

So in addition to my guest blogging stint, a reporter actually requested an interview a few weeks ago! She had seen my Simple Bike guest post on cycling while pregnant and said she was writing an article on the same subject for the Santa Barbara Independent’s bike column. (If I knew newspapers had bike columns, I might have kept pursuing journalism.) Of course, I said yes. The paper published the article, which has a couple of quotes from me, earlier in the week.

Check it out: Pedaling While Pregnant – Women are Even Biking to the Delivery Room.

If you’re interested in the subject, I wrote a number of posts on my previous blog about my experiences: