“I can’t ask questions?” I asked my husband, my voice squeaking at the end of the sentence. “What am I supposed to say?”

When we decided to pursue speech therapy for my older son, we didn’t know what to expect. But whatever I was imagining, reducing the number of questions I asked my child wasn’t one of them. At the time, I felt like the speech therapist took away a core tool in my parenting and communications toolbox.

But since then, I’ve realized that no matter what parenting strategy I use, there’s one piece of parenting advice that has never failed me.

Reducing the number of questions I ask my son is difficult partly because my parenting approach emphasizes encouraging our kids to figure things out for themselves. When my older son asked, “Why is the ocean blue but the bathwater clear?” I had him come up with a hypothesis. Instead of trying to figure out the subject of his painting (random colors? squiggles?), I said, “Can you tell me about it?” (It was a playground. Who knew?) At bedtime, we ask him what he thinks he did well that day. That allows him to be proud of his own accomplishments instead of relying on our input. In theory, all of these things should encourage my kids to think critically, problem-solve, and be more independent.

Honestly, these are all great parenting strategies. At the moment, they’re just not right for our family.

Unfortunately, the challenge of asking fewer questions went much deeper for me than just a parenting strategy. It struck at the heart of my own way of interacting with the world.

Unless I control myself, I’m a constant talker. As a kid, I would start talking and keep talking, even if no one was listening. It was a natural extension of the running commentary in my head. While adults tolerated my loquaciousness, kids didn’t, leaving me wondering what I did wrong.

As I grew up, I realized that I needed a coping mechanism to ensure I didn’t dominate every conversation. I wanted to listen to people, but didn’t know how. One day, the light bulb went off. I realized the one time I was really good at listening – when I was interviewing people as a reporter for my college newspaper. If I could think of conversations like interviews, I could turn the focus onto the person I was talking to. Although I’m less structured about it now, I still fall back on this tactic when I feel like I’m taking over a conversation.

As I want to give my kids plenty of space, I came to rely on questions even more when I became a mom. They allowed me to take my kids’ perspectives into account instead of forcing my opinions on them. It created space for them to speak their minds. It meant that my time parenting didn’t become “the Mom Show.”

Hearing that I needed to reduce the number of questions I asked my son triggered all of my insecurities about interpersonal communication. Clearly, my reliance on questions had become a crutch. It was an important tool that served a purpose at one time, but leaning on it wasn’t allowing me to fully heal and grow.

Instead, I’m learning how to listen without peppering Sprout with questions. Giving him room to talk, even when that translates into silence that feels eternal. Embracing the pauses that I usually run right over. Breathing rather than speaking.

That’s because listening to your kids is the one piece of parenting advice that I’ve found works in any situation or circumstance. No matter what your parenting philosophy or background, it’s never a bad thing to give your kids the space to share what’s in their minds and hearts.

It was by listening we realized the challenges my son is having. It’s by listening that we’ll help him embrace his voice.

Listening has been a struggle for me my entire life. Becoming a mom only upped the ante. Cutting back on the questions is just another opportunity to find new ways to listen to my child, no matter how challenging that may be.

For more on embracing my child for who he is, check out Learning to Love My Son Exactly Where He is Standing. For more stories of parenting, follow us on Facebook.