“He’s so smart!” said the man sitting next me on the plane, referring to my older son. “I can tell by the questions he’s asking.”

“Uh, thanks,” I replied. To me, intelligence is a bit like physical beauty – nice to have, but not something I as a parent can take credit for, per say.

Halfway through the five hour flight, we had run through most of our designated “kid” activities, so I decided to pull out the big guns – a phone game my son had never played before. I was going to introduce him to Fruit Ninja. For those who have never played it, Fruit Ninja has zero educational or any other type of value beyond goofy fun. It’s using your touch screen to pretend to cut fruit with a sword. But I like goofy fun and my kid likes goofy fun, so it was a good way to pass the time.

As I booted it up, I thought “What is that guy next to us going to think? He thought he was smart and this is such a dumb game.”

I knew there was no reason to care about this guy’s opinion. I knew it didn’t matter what he thought of my kid and my parenting. I especially knew that it shouldn’t affect doing what I know to be right or wrong.

But I cared anyway.

Humans are social animals; parents doubly so. We want the best for our little humans and yet so often have no idea what that would look like in the moment. Even when we do know, we don’t know how to get there with the resources we have. So we doubt ourselves. And with doubt comes longing for approval from others.

So we notice the weird looks, the raised eyebrows, the stares. We notice the absence of them too – thinking that people are ignoring us to be polite. We worry what that person will say to their spouse when they get home – “Did you know what I saw a mom in the store do today?” We worry what they’ll say on social media. We worry what they’ll say to our faces.

That worry isn’t unjustified. Glance at the comments section of any internet parenting board or Facebook group and you’ll see shaming galore, over the most minor of incidents. It feels like everybody in the entire world has an opinion over every single second of our parenting lives. And of course, they all conflict.

No matter how much we know we shouldn’t care what other people think, we will.

So don’t feel bad for caring. Just don’t let it hold you back.

If you think someone is judging, ask yourself, “Should I care about this person’s perspective when it comes to caring for my kid?” If yes, then put some real thought into it. If no, acknowledge it and then go do it anyway. They may take up space in your brain, but they don’t have to take up space in your life.

In the end, my son and I played the game, swiping and giggling together. And you know what? I’m pretty sure the guy next to us didn’t even notice.

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