“I’m laughing cause I read that book. She’s 14 now and she’s okay,” a woman commented to me. She gestured at the book in my hand, an advice book about parenting challenging kids. Absorbed in my own thoughts, it took a second to realize she was even talking to me.

“Oh, thanks,” I responded as the subway doors opened and she stepped off the Metro, Washington D.C.’s subway system. She looked about 10 years older than me, put together, organized, professional. I don’t remember the details of what she was wearing, just the impression of a sense of self-assuredness that I never seem to possess.

The rest of the subway ride, I mulled over her words. I wondered if her daughter was okay because of or despite the advice in the book. If the mom faced the same daily struggles and doubts that we do. If her daughter had a disability or outgrew a phase.

But despite my queries, her comment was reassuring. In the midst of the hardest parenting challenges – the ones that make you wish those advice books were manuals, if only you pushed this button or said these words, everything would be “right” – it’s hard to see the bigger picture. Your eyes are so tired from too little sleep and too much stress that you can’t look beyond the current situation. Having a reminder that everything will be “okay” for some definition of okay can be enough to make you lift up your head and look around.

Sometimes that look around will help you know that this too shall pass. Sometimes it will reveal that something is a bigger issue than this moment you’re mucking through and that it requires help that you cannot provide on your own. Sometimes it will just let you know that you’re not alone.

So thank you to that random woman on the subway. Thank you for recognizing my struggle and saying that you’ve been there too. I appreciated that you shared your story and outcome instead of presuming mine. Often, the most powerful thing we can say is “I’ve been there too.”