I don’t want them to be constantly afraid, nervous of their every move. I don’t believe anyone who be subjected to that sort of trauma, even though so many children are every day.

But I do want them to know that there are people out there that hurt people different from them. People who want and choose to hurt people different from them because they are afraid of losing their own power. People who do things that inspire deep, justified fear in many of our neighbors, fellow church goers, and friends. And of course, people who are willing to look the other way from that first group of people because they don’t want to make a fuss.

As I’ve heard Black anti-racism activists say, “If my kid is old enough to be the target of racism, your kid is old enough to learn about racism.” The ability to hide events like the takeover of the U.S. Capitol by white supremacist terrorists from our children is a privilege, one that white parents should absolutely not exercise.

We did tell our kids about it, I think in age-appropriate language. Even though we live relatively close to D.C. and know people who live there, they didn’t seem particularly scared. I think much of it is that they don’t feel the sense of democracy being lost. My husband was telling me about how when we attended President Bush’s first inauguration in high school, his dad told him that one of the things that made America worth being proud of was our peaceful transfer of power. That was unshakable. We can’t tell our children that now.

But I wonder how much that peaceful transfer of power – that show of democracy – was really worth if it was just transferring power between people perpetuating and strengthening unjust and racist systems. If reflecting on that past let us ignore the future inequities it was enabling.

Instead, I hope I can tell our kids that this time was the first of the last terrible gasps of white supremacy. Not just of the particularly obvious form of the terrorists that stormed the Capitol, but of all of it. Of the white supremacy that fed the slavery that built the U.S. Capital Building itself. Of the white supremacy that underlies every system we have, from jails and policing to real estate to banking to education.

That there was still so, so far to go but that movement forward was possible and could happen. That the people now being placed in power made foundational changes.

But those policy makers can’t do it alone. That terrible act shows that there is no time for complacency. That small tweaks aren’t enough to bring the change we need. That we need to push for fundamental change at every level.

We need to push by marching and protesting. By supporting those who are marching and protesting by feeding them, physically and emotionally. By giving money without hesitation to those making change, fighting racism, voter suppression (donate to Fair Fight Action!), police violence, housing inequities, and more. By providing funds to people who have suffered racism over and over again in their lives, such as through the National Bail Out Project. By having hard conversations and even harder reckonings about the past and present of the U.S. By fundamentally upending these systems, both as a whole and the individual ways we support them. By demonstrating to our kids that we are invested in tearing those systems down.

We also need to set the foundation for the future by learning how to change ourselves and teach our kids differently. Teach them radical love and anti-racism. Teach them Black Lives Matter. Teach them how to fight against injustice. Teach them how to not take the lead and hand the mic over to the Black and brown people of color most hurt by white supremacy. And of course, put that learning into action. Reading and book clubs aren’t enough. Learning without action is dead and meaningless.

Then, and only then, maybe we can make this awful time the turning point. The turning point away from hate and injustice and towards a better future for everyone.

I am not a parenting anti-racist educator – as a white person, that’s not my lane. But I do know of some very good ones. Both Mamademics and Doyin Richards offer anti-racism classes, with Doyin offering ones for both parents and kids. Parenting is Political and Parenting Decolonized are parenting pages written by Black moms that often discuss these issues. It’s not specific to parenting but So You Want to Talk About Race is a great book. Lace on Race is a community committed to lessening and mitigating the harm endured by Black and Brown people, perpetuated by white people, by doing new things in new ways.