Positive parenting – or gentle parenting or conscious parenting – is hard.

It’s hard being patient and kind and demonstrating good listening skills. It’s hard relating to these little people who have such different perspectives as us but also remind us of the characteristics that we ourselves struggle with the most. It’s hard having positive healthy relationships with the people you love the most that you’re also responsible for guiding towards adulthood. It’s hard when you have to push back against what so much of society labels as “good kids” or “good parenting.” It’s hard when the world takes so much out of us and leaves so little left for our children.

It’s even harder if you…
– Have a spouse that is absent or completely unsupportive
– Worry about where your next meal is coming from or if you won’t be able to eat so you can feed your kid
– Are at risk of you and/or your kid being discriminated against or in danger because of their race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or religion
– Are in a situation with unreliable housing
– Are neurodivergent and/or have a kid who is
– Have parents or caregivers who were abusive when you were a child
– Or many, many other confounding factors

Anyone who says or portrays positive parenting as easy is minimizing real difficulty and withholding truth at best and straight-up lying at worst. And most likely preying on parents’ desperation to sell something.
But none of that means positive parenting is not important. In fact, it means it’s staggeringly important. We need it to raise kids who don’t see power and privilege as the end-all, be-all. To raise kids who care about the other people in the world and the effects of their actions on them. To raise kids who have the emotional regulation and maturity to fight injustice and build real peace.

To raise kind kids, we need to demonstrate kindness. To raise responsible ones, we need to be responsible ourselves.
For the families who have more struggles than most, positive or conscious parenting is even more important. Their kids – our kids, for many of us – are going to face a world that treats them worse because of who they are. Through no fault of their own. They need a safe place to land at home.

How we raise our children starts in the home – but it doesn’t end there. No – if it does, we’re just reinforcing the sick and damaging systems in place. If our efforts end in our own homes, we’re demonstrating to our kids that we believe that as long as we can do these things, then everything is just fine. Which, of course, it’s not.

Those of us with privilege need to work to ensure everyone has access to the same choices we do. That there’s reliable universal childcare and preschool so people don’t have to worry about who is watching their kid while they’re at work. That all families have enough food and reliable housing and good schools their kids can go to. That all kids are safe and fully respected regardless of their race or ethnicity. That we make these choices possible for all families, everywhere. The fact is, fixing these systems will help all of us – even people with privilege are hurt by the restrictions and toxic expectations these systems reinforce.

Healthy, respectful relationships make you grow and growing is so often difficult. But for so many families, it’s so much harder than it should be. Let’s work together to raise kids with kindness, support each other, and replace these terrible systems.

I’ve learned a tremendous amount about intersectionality and positive / conscious parenting from Parenting Decolonized, Latinx Parenting, and Untigering on Facebook and SupernovaMomma on Twitter. I’d definitely encourage you to check them out!