Parents are supposed to keep their kids safe, right? But how can we do that when the world around us is falling apart? There’s escalating climate change, COVID getting ever more contagious, civil rights eroding constantly, gun violence heightening, and democracy in danger. Not to mention the less privileged of us who have more individual, very real worries about their children’s everyday safety.

Some people retreat to denial, pretending nothing’s wrong at all and they play no part. Others – far more dangerously – blame vulnerable groups for “corrupting” children, when they are the corrupting ones instilling hate and fear.

Then there’s those of us who know what’s happening and don’t know what to do about it. I include myself in this group because as much as I intellectually know what to do about it, emotionally I still feel befuddled much of the time.

I started writing this from the balcony of a hotel while I was isolating from my kids because I tested positive for COVID. I worked so hard for more than two years to avoid it and the moment we went on vacation, got it. What else could I have done? I have no idea. There’s no way we could have expected this would still be going this long and be even more contagious when we planned this trip a year ago. That was when it was at all-time lows!

While emotionally I’m flailing, intellectually I do know some things that can help.

Find joy in small moments and things – but don’t expect to enjoy everything

Recognizing small, beautiful moments has been one of the most effective ways I’ve been able to get through the COVID period with somewhat of a stable mental state. (That and getting outside and moving every day.) Whether it’s enjoying squirrels, clouds moving across the sky, the kids playing well together, a hug, or a few minutes with a good book, those little moments make a difference, as cliched as that is.

It also helps to write those things down. People have a tendency to remember bad things rather than good ones – it helps us avoid problems in the future. But the act of writing things down at the end of the day means that 1) you have to think of something good that happened and 2) you cement that good thing in your memory. As cliched as it is, I’ve started keeping a daily gratitude journal. It’s nothing fancy – literally just a note in my phone’s notes app. But I write down one good, specific thing that happened that day (not vague things like “family”) and it really does help.

But don’t be toxic about it. I’m never going to promote the “soak in every moment!” philosophy. It’s just too damn tiring and fake. Plus, it’s another way of making everything blend into mush. If we assume everything will be awesome, then nothing is, you know?

Take comfort in knowing that people have parented through extremely difficult times before and will again

As an older, privileged Millennial, my childhood was pretty easy on a global scale. Wars lasted months, not decades. The ozone hole got fixed. The economy was steady and reliable.

So it’s easy to mourn the fact that my kids don’t have that. But that safety and reliability is not typical throughout history. There have always been wars, poverty, and prejudice. Parents have raised kids through truly horrific circumstances. More recently, Americans had to parent kids through the Vietnam War, where they had to worry about sending their too-young-to-drink teenagers, not-adults off to war. Or through the Cold War, where the dangers of nuclear winter were always looming.

Even kids who grew up at the same time I did but with less privilege and in different circumstances certainly didn’t have as an idealized of a childhood as I did.

Thinking about parents who have been able to parent through far worse circumstances gives me strength and hope. They did it and so can I.

Embrace help and community when it’s available

“Connect with people!” is easier said than done, especially in the age of COVID. Personally, a major challenge for me is that a ton of my friends have moved geographically far away over the past 5-6 years. A lot of people come to our area for college, marry, and then realize that our area is hideously expensive to live in. (It was always expensive, but it’s easier to be cheap and living in a small, crappy apartment without kids.)

That being said, try to connect where you can. That may be through a group of people with similar interests or online friends or a church or the kids’ school. Whatever is around. Find people as best you can. It’s one of the most effective tools against despair.

If you can, ask for help. We are incredibly lucky to have my parents living about an hour away. The first summer of COVID, we “bubbled” with them and the kids stayed over at their house a lot. It helped so much. If you don’t have family and need a break, try to swap off babysitting with a friend if it works for your COVID approach. Or if you have a spouse, purposefully block out times each of you can take a break.

Look to the helpers

Mr. Rogers famously told adults to tell kids to “look to the helpers.” Knowing other people are doing good work gives you hope. It reminds you that you’re not the only one who cares and there is movement forward. If you’re already doing work, it also helps you take some of the burden off. Seek out people both locally and worldwide who are doing good work in the areas you care the most about. Read and share their stories.

Join in with helping – and get your kids involved too

Once you find out who the helpers are, support and join in with them. Think about what resources and skills you have and where you can best contribute. Taking action is empowering and energizing. It connects you with people who do care and helps you feel like you have momentum. It brings purpose to your life if you feel like you’re missing it. If you are interested in climate justice action, be sure to check out the climate justice quiz and toolkit for tired people I helped develop.

Involving your kids in action can help them feel empowered too. For a while, my older son attended our city’s bicycle advisory committee meetings with me over Zoom. He loved feeling “in the know” about the changes and discussions around roads that he biked on every day.

Celebrate the wins – even small ones

My big passion is climate justice. You may have heard of the “Inflation Reduction Act,” the rebranded version of the Build Back Better Bill. It just passed the House and Senate. While it has some serious problems and is only a start, not an ending, it is also a massive investment in clean energy and other climate justice programs. It is a definite win. And when there’s been so much bad news in terms of the climate – wildfires and heat waves in Europe especially – good news is very much needed. While national wins are few and far between, local wins can come a little bit more often and have more of a personal impact. Every time I ride on a bike lane that I took part in pushing for, I feel a little twang of pride.

So even when things feel like crap, these are some options. What are the best ways you deal when things feel awful?