“You’re so brave,” said a woman on the sidewalk as I pedaled by her slowly. Her words came right on the heels of me tearing into my older son about not screwing around while biking in the road. (He was riding so slowly I was almost crashing into him and swerving.) “Uh, thanks?” I stammered, not sure what else to say.
While I didn’t have much to respond in the moment, the comment stuck with me. Brave? What did she mean by that?
She most likely meant that I was brave for biking with my kids on the road, with the ever-present threat of distracted and too-rushed drivers that could hit us. Admittedly, the possibility of that does shoot my heart into my throat regularly. We’ve never had any truly close calls, but we’ve had plenty of “that was much closer than I would like it to have been” calls. Despite that, we do it because it’s worth it. Obviously, I think my children’s physical safety is important. But it’s not the only thing that’s important. Them getting enough physical movement in a way they enjoy and is meaningful to them is important. The support for their mental and emotional health that they get as a result of that movement and being outside is important. Having connections with their community and saying hello to our neighbors is important. Not producing pollution is important.
She may have meant I was brave for doing things a little differently, wondering what other people think of me. For not driving places when that’s expected. Honestly, I don’t really care if people think I’m weird for biking – I’m weird no matter what, biking or not. Any time I’ve tried not to be weird people saw right through that, so may as well live out my values, you know?
She may have meant that I was brave for teaching my kid to ride in the street, for having him try my patience as he was obviously doing. But honestly, I’d much rather him learn how to be independent and responsible on the road now than in the future behind the wheel of a car. I want to slowly ramp up what I’m teaching him and allowing him to do, rather than dump it on him all at once. I want him to be able to bike to school with me at 8 years old so he can walk or ride to the movies himself at 10 so he can take the Metro into the city at 13 or 14 so he can drive at 16 or 17. Learning to operate a large, potentially deadly vehicle is hard enough without also adjusting to having unprecedented freedom simultaneously. Even if he doesn’t choose to learn to drive, he still needs those skills and independence.
The fact is, I don’t think I should have to be brave for any of these things. Getting around without a car should be available and safe for everyone. I shouldn’t have to worry about my kids getting hit by a car – we should be able to assume our kids will be safe. Biking, walking, and taking public transit should be just as respected as driving. Kids should have independence and freedom at much earlier ages than we typically give them now.
In my opinion, all of these things should be normalized. They should be normalized for not just my sake, but everyone’s sake. Many people aren’t going to do something that you need to be “brave” to do. We need to shift society to make sustainability of all kinds – environmental and social – the easier and normalized option rather than the awkward and hard one.