Cultivating kindness, sustainability, and wonder for the world around us

Cartoon of woman with brown hair hugging two boys

I tell stories that help us all work to be kinder to our families, communities and our broader world. I support families being more environmentally and socially sustainable through advice, resources, and encouragement based on solid social science and expertise. My science communication builds knowledge of and wonder for our natural world and appreciation for those who seek to understand it. 

My book, Growing Sustainable Together: Practical Resources for Raising Kind, Engaged, Resilient Children was released in June 2020 with North Atlantic Books! You can order it anywhere books are sold, including your local bookstore, Amazon, and Barnes & Nobel.

Wrestling with and Moving Through Climate Grief

A kid sliding down a snow-covered steep hill in the twilight

The hill stretches up and up, steep enough that you slip as your boots dig into the snow. The kids at the top are readying their sledding devices – tubes, sleds, saucers. My older kid is sliding his tube back and forth, backing up and then – he’s off! The tube flies down the hill. It practically bucks him off when he hits the paved path, but he holds on tight. He slides to a halt, stuck in a snowpile.

Watching all this, I say to my husband, “I’m glad I came. I don’t know how many more times we’ll have this.”

“The snow will stick around for a while. And it’s not like they’re that old – there are still several winters left,” he responds.

“Yeah, but we don’t get snow every winter. And we’ll get less and less with climate change.”

“Hmmm, yeah.” He understands.

As you watch your kids grow up, there’s a deep sadness mixed with joy. You know that these moments are limited and that every time might be the last time you see or do an action. The seasons change and your kids do too

But the changes in our environment can tilt that ambiguity towards grief. Change in our environment is natural. But the pace at which it’s happening isn’t. These changes in the climate are on fast-forward, accelerated by human-produced greenhouse gases.

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Fighting Against Toxic Masculinity in Raising Boys

A white man (my husband) holding a white boy in a tie-dye t-shirt (my younger son) while standing in a living room

“Are there any gifts you’d like me to wrap?” my father-in-law asked me. The man is a wrapping machine. So of course, I took him up on his kind offer. In addition to lessening my load in that moment, I reflected on how lucky I am that this was my husband’s model. While my father-in-law has his flaws, he did teach my husband that wrapping and cleaning are for everyone. Along the same lines, I already had very little Christmas gift wrapping to do because my husband had done most of it already.

My husband is not perfect and neither is our marriage. But he works very hard to be a good husband to me and be a good example to our two sons. I also came to expect that because my dad was a good model as well. Here’s what we’ve learned so far about teaching healthy masculinity and not passing on toxic nonsense.

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The Not-So-Obvious Benefits of Having Executive Function Challenges as Parents

A snowman Christmas ornament hanging from a doorknob

With a small voice from the backseat saying “I’m hungry!” I got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had forgotten snacks – once again. “Sorry honey, you’re going to have to wait until we get home,” I responded to my younger son.

This is far from an uncommon occurrence. When I read memes like “Moms know where everything is!” or “A Mom always has what her kids need,” I feel a similar pit in my stomach, combined with a queasy jealousy. “Well, that will never be me,” I think to myself. When my kids were babies, we had a diaper bag designed for dads to carry. They had a checklist on the inside pouch and the last item was “the baby.” I know that was supposed to be a joke at dads’ expense, but some days, it felt appropriate to me. My husband isn’t much better either. Both of us are neurodivergent in ways that come with executive function challenges like forgetting details, getting distracted, or misplacing items.

But along our executive dysfunction-riddled journey in parenthood, I’ve come to realize there are some advantages to our kids for having parents like us.

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Keeping Us and Our Kids Informed About AI

Photo of a rabbit that the computer has identified as a mollusk

“I have to interrupt – look at this!” my older kid said, shoving my phone in my face. “It thinks Hoppity is a moth!”

“Uh-huh, that is funny,” I replied, trying to summon some enthusiasm through my sickness-addled state.

This was just the latest – but far from only – time the phone’s artificial intelligence (AI) has misidentified our pet rabbit. It has also identified him as a cat, a bulldog, and a guinea pig. This particular quirk of the phone has provided a natural, relatively easy way to talk about this new technology.

While I tried to go back to taking a nap, I overheard my husband explaining that predictive AI (the type of AI that is used in ChatGPT and image-generating software) works by predicting what comes next in text or what is likely to be there in an image. These AI programs don’t have eyes or ears, so they have no idea if they gave a person six fingers or wholesale made up a fact. He used that to explain that’s why you can’t trust these programs to provide accurate information. The generative AI programs have no clear understanding of what makes sense in a final image or text, only if it fits its general pattern.

With AI becoming so much more prominent in our lives, it’s important that we and our kids understand it and its issues. So here are some things to consider talking to your kids about. You may be familiar with some of these points, but I hope others are relatively new to you. This is not saying AI – even generative AI – should never be used. But we should be thoughtful about how we use it.

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Resist Like a Rabbit

Working at my computer, I heard a crash from upstairs. “What the? Hoppity, what did you do now?!” I exclaimed before running upstairs to check on our pet rabbit.

Life with a rabbit is much more chaotic than I had expected. Early on, I realized that all of those stories of rabbits being tricksy were definitely based on some truth. But now that he’s been in our life for four years and both of my kids have a definite tricksy streak as well, I’ve grown to appreciate it as a character trait. In fact, it may be exactly what we need to embrace to get through the next four years.

Rabbits combine cuteness with tricks, hiding their subversive nature behind big eyes and ears. While they are a prey animal, they aren’t shy and scared. In fact, domesticated rabbits are known for their boldness, to the point where there’s a very popular Facebook group called Rabbits Are Arseholes. (I have contributed a few posts myself.) They have the confidence and lack of caring what humans think of cats without the predatory nature to back it up.

Inspired by real life, apparently, tricksy rabbits show up in many folk tales and popular culture. There’s Br’er Rabbit from stories taught by enslaved Black people in the American South and Rabbit from stories in many Native American tribes, including the Haudenosaunee (Iroquois)NarragansettInuit, and Cherokee. There’s even Bugs Bunny and Peter Rabbit!

But the most beloved fictional bunnies in our household are the rabbits of Watership Down. My older son and I read the book together last year and it quickly became his favorite book. In it, rabbits are unquestionably rabbity – not just people in fur – but also have culture and religious beliefs. Their folk hero is El-ahrairah, Prince of a Thousand Enemies. His stories involve bravery, adventure, sacrifice, and always cleverness. Both him and the main characters in the story make their way out of binds by finding a way to bend the rules, confuse those in power, or break the expectations others have.

These skills are particularly valuable when you are powerless and your life is in the hands of those with power. In stories, trickster characters are often prey or middle-of-the-food chain animals for a reason. People with power don’t need to be tricksy. Being tricky is a survival mechanism.  It’s a way to recapture power when you wouldn’t otherwise have any. As my friend and activist Ashia Ray at Raising Luminaries defines it, trickster characters “reveal unspoken rules of their culture and disobey the culture’s power structure.” 

Oppressed people have long used trickster stories to pass on important values and skills. For example, enslaved people told Br’er Rabbit stories to empower others to fight back and even communicate methods of escape. (Speaking in stories meant the enslavers were less likely to notice.) In Indigenous societies, storytellers tell trickster stories (including rabbits) in wintertime, to pass on culture that colonizers worked to strip from them.

In the next few years, these skills are going to be even more of a priority for people in marganilized and vulnerable groups. They can also provide guidance to undermine attempts to further oppress people and remove their rights.

So what can we learn from rabbits, both in real life and literature? (Note: There will be some spoilers for Watership Down. You should read it. It’s an excellent book)

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Cheeseburgers, Manatees, and Holding onto Hope

The head and flippers of a manatee in blue-green water with leaves floating on top

“Mother, mother ocean, I have heard you call

Wanted to sail upon your waters since I was three feet tall

You’ve seen it all, you’ve seen it all…”

The music flowed through the old wooden building, past and around me on the faded navy couch. Across from me was the singer, the leader of the climate hope and grief retreat I was attending. In his jeans and flannel shirt, strumming a dark wood acoustic guitar, the lyrics seemed very apropos for the occasion. “I wonder who this song is by,” I wondered. Such a beautiful song. With the line “I am a pirate,” I thought, “Ah, I bet that’s Jimmy Buffet.” A quick Google confirmed my suspicions.   

I smiled, considering the strange and moving subtle presence Jimmy Buffet has been throughout my life.

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Cultivating Mental Health with Nature

Looking up into the branches of a large tree. The leaves are bright green and the sunlight filters through them.

Reaching out my hand and touching the tree’s bark, I tried to look at it with fresh eyes. I ran my hand along it, taking in its rough, bumpy nature. I spotted a small bee buzzing around the tree’s base and an ant crawling up it. I looked up into its leafy canopy through which bits of sunshine filtered through. The leaves were still green, not yet starting to shade to their fall yellow. Closing my eyes, I envisioned the vast system of fungi that links its roots to those of other trees.

Then I heard what sounded like a wolf’s howl. But it wasn’t a wolf – it was the leader of the forest therapy session I was engaging in at a Climate Grief and Hope Retreat at ThorpeWood, a center devoted to using nature to support mental health and social-emotional learning. 

We were doing an exercise called “Meet a Being” – which could be a tree or any other type of being. Coming out of the activity, I felt calmer, more at peace and looking with more wonder at everything around me. As I had gone into the retreat on the verge of burnout (again), this shift was sorely needed. Later in the retreat, we participated in an exercise that linked the principles of permaculture – an approach to sustainability based on Indigenous principles that is about working with nature rather than against it – to our own mental health.

From this experience and my own life, I’ve found some ways to use nature to improve mental and emotional health. Without these, I would have suffered burnout much earlier and more severely. These days, with the stress of everything going on, we can all use some healing and relief. (I actually wrote this sentence pre-Election Day. Little did I know. Ugh.)

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What Watching My Kids Play Video Games Taught Me About Losing

A statue of a T-rex on a Jeep (that has two velociraptors driving it) labeled with Nick's Mini-Golf. There is a structure for a high-ropes course in the background.

“Oh come on!” I yelled with genuine frustration in my voice as my mini-golf ball rolled millimeters past the hole. And yet I was smiling only a few moments later. That would have never happened even a few years ago. I credit my kids for this life lesson.

I’ve never been a particularly good loser. I hate wasting time and losing feels a whole lot like wasting time to me. In board games like Settlers of Caatan or Monopoly where you realize early on if you are going to lose badly and then just have to wait for it to happen, I get antsy and anxious. When playing word and puzzle games, I feel like I’m “supposed” to be good at them and then just feel dumb when I lose. It’s just generally unpleasant for everyone involved.

But I started to get a different perspective on losing while watching my kids play video games.

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Supporting Each Other Through Life

My husband and I, who are both white, in hiking clothing, sitting on a rock. I have a backpack on my back and there are trees and low plants in the background.

“We take the backpack during each other’s weak part,” my husband said to me as we were finishing the second half of a hike. He was referring to the fact that I carried the backpack with the water and food on the uphills, where he struggles, and he carried it on the downhills that stress out my fussy knees. I hadn’t even thought of it that way, but that’s exactly what we were doing that day. In fact, that’s what we do through so much of our lives, both for each other and those around us.

My husband and I have been married for 18 years and together for 24. We’re both neurodivergent and have executive function challenges. I joke that if you put us together, you may get one person’s worth of executive function. He has social anxiety, but is charming. I am kind of fearless, but often don’t make a good first impression socially. He’s hilarious with the kids, while I tend to be more emotional. We complement each other well.

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Sitting with our Pain from the Election Results

“No no no no,” I whispered to myself as I sat on the edge of my bed, looking at my phone. It was the 2024 Election results. I stared at the map mostly covered in red. I focused on the line showing who got what electoral votes, with Donald Trump easily crossing it with 277 out of the required 270.

Once we got the kids off to school, my husband put his head down on his hands and started crying. I walked over, put my arms around him, and wept too.

All day, I felt empty and raw. A sense of despair buried itself into me and wouldn’t let go. All of the exhaustion from election stress and all of the other shit going on in my life overwhelmed me. A fog settled over my mind.

This was my thought pattern – variations on a theme: “We did everything we could, but it wasn’t enough. I did everything I could, but it wasn’t enough. So what’s the point? Why bother? Why did I spend all of that time phone banking and having people hang up on me? Writing postcards? Why the hell bother with climate action now anyway? What difference does it make when he’s back in office and wants to destroy it all anyway? What the hell is all of my life’s work for anyway?!”

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