parenting philosophy

What Happens When We Step Back as Parents?

/ Shannon Brescher Shea / Leave a comment

What Happens When We Step Back as Parents? (Photo: Young white boy holding a t-ball bat)

A white plastic ball. A red and blue t-ball stand. A a diminutive kid holding a large, yellow plastic bat.

Watching this scene play out at the playground with my two-year-old son, I tried not to interfere. After all, I thought, he should try it on his own. That is, until he started poking the ball with the narrow end of the bat. Poking it!

I walked over and tried to adjust his hands into the right position. “Look, you swing the bat!” I insisted.

And because my children are nothing of not their own people, he insisted right back.

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The Life Lessons I Want My Kids to Gain from Gardening

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The Life Lessons I Want My Kids to Gain from Gardening (Photo: Two young white children standing in front of giant sunflowers)

“Don’t walk – just stay there,” I told my two-year-old as he maneuvered around the wheelbarrow in our garden. Squish! His foot came right down on a squash vine. Oh well – there’s plenty more where that came from.

Even though my kids aren’t always gentle when it comes to my plants, they bring joy to my gardening. I think it benefits them too. Besides the health benefits, there’s a bunch of valuable life lessons I hope they pick up from our adventures in growing food.

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How Families Can Build Their Emotional Strength Together

/ Shannon Brescher Shea / 1 Comment

How Families Can Build Their Emotional Strength Together (Photo: Family looking at a sunset)

I try to read a scientific paper at work, but every few sentences, I’m drifting. My mind keeps jumping around, from checking my email to wondering if anyone liked my latest Facebook post to the latest political news. My body isn’t moving, but my mind feels like it’s running laps. Reading about physics is not happening. I turn off my computer screen, walk down the stairs of my building and cross the street into a public garden.

Once I get there, I walk slowly. I look intently at what’s around me, from the purple flowers to the tree branches arching over the path. Listening, I hear birds chattering, kids talking about their school assignment, the nearby car traffic. I feel the breeze on my face and the summer sun on my skin. My mind makes space for the sensory input and squeezes out the unending monologue.

Going back to my office, I start reading again, calmer and more able to focus.

While I use this technique to help myself, I’ve also found it’s effective for helping my almost five-year-old calm down. In fact, it’s one of the techniques that I’ve found work pretty well for both of us in developing emotional resilience:

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Why You Should Share Your Struggles with Your Kids

/ Shannon Brescher Shea / 1 Comment

Why You Should Share Your Struggles with Your Kids (Photo: A woman kissing a child she is holding)

“Let’s remind each other to be positive and flexible this trip,” I told my four-year-old the day before going on vacation.

“What’s flexible mean?” he asked.

“Being willing to change plans. It’s something I’m working on. We both need to help each other out, okay?” I responded.

That’s neither the first or last time that I’ve told my kids about my own struggles. Some parents may feel like admitting to mistakes or challenges decreases their authority, but I think it actually does the opposite. We shouldn’t dump on our kids or reveal more than they can handle, but discussing issues at an age-appropriate level can be valuable. Thankfully, talking about this a little bit can go a long way.

Here are some of the benefits:

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What Happens When We Trust Kids’ Imagination?

/ Shannon Brescher Shea / Leave a comment

What Happens When We Trust Kids' Imagination? (Photo: Young white boy hugging the character of Chip, a giant chipmunk, in front of a table with food.)

“They’re just people in costumes, right?” my four-year-old asked me about the Disney characters months before our trip to Walt Disney World. “Yep,” I answered, being truthful but not elaborating.

Yet despite knowing that, my son jumped up and down upon meeting them, hugging and high-fiving Chip, Dale, Pluto, and Mickey as they came to our table for a character lunch.

How did he manage that? I wondered. He knew they weren’t “real,” but his enthusiasm was genuine. I like “meeting” the characters too, but not with that level of joy. I’m always seeing layers down, wondering about who is in the costume or the logistics of it.

I think our responses reveal something important that most adults miss: kids can teach us so much about how to balance reality and imagination if only we let them.

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The Magic and Freedom of Low Expectations

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The Magic and Freedom of Low Expectations. (Photo: Young white boy facing a fence, looking at a fountain that looks like a manatee)

My younger son points urgently at the manatee stamp on his arm and then at the real creature in the water. “That’s right, a manatee!” I exclaim and smile. I watch it float, just letting the water hold its massive bulk like magic. “Geeze, they really aren’t very bright, are they?” I think. Then I shrug and think, “Eh, whatever.”

We’re at Homosassa Springs Wildlife Park, a state park in Florida that’s home to five resident manatees and a variety of other Florida animals. It’s also where I had a life-changing experience when I was 10.

As a nature-loving third grader, I fell hard for the manatees. They were so cute and so innocent! I found out they were endangered, convinced my class to adopt one, and became a lifelong environmental activist.

Except when I returned as an adult, Homosassa was not the same as I had remembered it. Disappointing is an understatement. I left with a bad taste in my mouth, my heart just a little broken.

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How to Reduce Sibling Conflict Between Your Kids

/ Shannon Brescher Shea / Leave a comment

Experiencing a lot of sibling conflict? If your kids are always arguing, try these eight approaches to building respectful relationships between your kids. 

How to Reduce Sibling Conflicts Between Your Kids (Photo: Two young white children walking down concrete stairs with the older one helping the younger)

“It’s mine!” my four-year-old yelled, trying to pull the slinky away from my two-year-old. In response, my two-year-old scowled and responded, “Mine!” holding it even closer to his chest.

In moments like this, I wonder if we’re raising our kids to respect each other.

The next day, my older son (nicknamed Sprout) peeled stickers off a sheet and handed them to my younger son (nicknamed Little Bird) for a 15 full minutes. That was despite the fact that I knew my older son wanted those stickers for himself. As I listened to him ask his brother over and over, “What sticker do you want, Little Bird?” I smiled. Maybe we aren’t doing a bad job after all.

While there are definitely days I question what the hell is going on, our kids honestly have a great relationship. Here’s what we did that I think has helped build that relationship and reduce sibling conflict:

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10 Big Ways Your Family Can Accumulate Less Stuff

/ Shannon Brescher Shea / 8 Comments

Want to reduce the flow of stuff into your house? Here are 10 principles to follow to accumulate less stuff (particularly toys) and cut down on clutter.

10 Big Ways Your Family Can Accumulate Less Stuff (Photo: Toy plastic house and wooden walker on the floor)

Looking at the spread of toys and books scattered across our basement floor, I shake my head. “We have way too much stuff,” I think. “And we have birthdays coming up.”

Like many families, we suffer from the disease of Too Much Damn Stuff. While it’s frustrating, I take some hope in the fact that the flow of stuff into our house has slowed substantially in the four years we’ve been parents.

We’ve worked hard to cut down on the amount of toys in particular because having fewer toys can encourage creativity and reduce stress. When presented with four toys or 16 toys, toddlers who could choose from four toys played with individual toys longer and played with them in a larger variety of ways.  Laura at the blog YouShouldGrow has nine more ways that kids benefit when they have fewer toys. For more on the advantages of having fewer toys, be sure to check out the book and website Simplicity Parenting.

From an environmental point of view, producing and shipping all of these things uses natural resources and energy. Not to mention the waste when you need to get rid of them. Of course, buying all that stuff costs money that can be used in other ways!

As I’m (clearly) far from an expert in this realm, I asked my fellow bloggers for their tips on accumulating less stuff as a parent of young children:

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How to Limit Advertising’s Influence on Your Kids

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How to Limit Advertising's Influence on Your Kids (Photo: TV playing a McDonald's advertisement)

“I think they’re trying to sell you beer,” stated my son after a Bud Light commercial during a football game. While I didn’t really need my kid to be watching beer commercials, I was proud of his analytical skills. After all, he understood that commercials are more than just fun little videos.

An average kid above the age of two sees more than 25,000 commercials a year. Although peers influence what toys children want, commercials play a major role in preferences. Ads also reinforce the mindset of needing to buy the latest and greatest “stuff,” regardless of what you already own. As hardly anyone advertises the benefits of playing outside, eating vegetables, and buying simple toys, most of us want to counteract advertisements’ influence.

My kid is inquisitive, so we’ve used his questions as an opportunity to help him become more savvy about advertisements. Here are four steps that can help you teach your kid to be more media-aware:

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The One Piece of Parenting Advice that Has Never Failed Me

/ Shannon Brescher Shea / 1 Comment

The One Piece of Parenting Advice that Has Never Failed Me (Photo: Young white child holding the hand of a white adult)

“I can’t ask questions?” I asked my husband, my voice squeaking at the end of the sentence. “What am I supposed to say?”

When we decided to pursue speech therapy for my older son, we didn’t know what to expect. But whatever I was imagining, reducing the number of questions I asked my child wasn’t one of them. At the time, I felt like the speech therapist took away a core tool in my parenting and communications toolbox.

But since then, I’ve realized that no matter what parenting strategy I use, there’s one piece of parenting advice that has never failed me.

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