personal development

When You’re Happy and Sad At the Same Time as a Parent

/ Shannon Brescher Shea / Leave a comment

When You're Happy and Sad At the Same Time as a Parent (Photo: Young white boy on a swing)

“We’re going to be a little sad when you go to kindergarten,” I said to my five-year-old son at dinner one night a few weeks before school started.

His face dropped and his lip quivered.

“Oh honey! You shouldn’t be sad about growing up.” I paused, trying to figure out how to explain this. “Mommies and daddies get a little sad about their kids growing up. We know you’ll never be babies again. But we also love watching you grow up so much.” I smiled, then got up and hugged him in his chair. 

What I didn’t tell him was this:

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When a Parenting Fail is a Win in Disguise

/ Shannon Brescher Shea / Leave a comment

When a Parenting Fail is a Win in Disguise (Photo: Young boy in a very long multicolored sweater on a path)

Going for a hike on a brisk day, I asked my then four-year-old if he wanted his sweatshirt. “No!” he insisted. Nonetheless, I was going to be the responsible mom and bring it along anyway. Just in case.

Arriving at the hiking trail, he climbed out of his car seat and declared, “I’m coooold! So cold!”

Going to look for the sweatshirt, my smile dropped off my face. Nope, not there. Not there either. Crap, I forgot it.

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What the Advice to Moms About Self-Care Gets Wrong

/ Shannon Brescher Shea / Leave a comment

What the Advice to Moms About Self-Care Gets Wrong (Photo: Book and mug on bed)

Dripping sweat, I staggered in the door after my Sunday afternoon run, only to hear my two-year-old wailing “Mammmmmaaaaaaaa!”

“What happened?” I asked my husband, who I found standing outside the bathroom. I peered in to see my son sitting on the potty, his face red and damp. “He hasn’t been like this since he woke up, has he?”

I recalled some of my last words as I headed out the door: “Make sure you wake up [Little Bird].”

My husband winced. “Well, he didn’t want me to get him out of bed. And then he didn’t want to go on the potty. Then he refused to let me help him off the potty. Then he didn’t want me in the room at all.”

Walking into the bathroom, I sighed, leaned down and helped my son off the potty. After pulling up his pants and helping him wash his hands, I picked him up. HIs small arms wrapped around my neck while mine embraced him. My sweat dampened his shirt as his small face pressed into my shoulder. His crying slowed and finally subsided.

Guilt pierced me. So did anger.

“Can’t I be gone for just a half-hour?” I thought. “But maybe not. Maybe I shouldn’t.”

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Why a Bookshelf Helps Me Be A More Relaxed Mom

/ Shannon Brescher Shea / 3 Comments

I never thought I’d be so happy about having a bookshelf with actual books on it. I haven’t seen this sight for more than four years.

These books have been in hiding – shoved under my nightstand, stacked up on the bottom shelf of an end table. There’s nothing wrong with these exact books. It’s the very act of placing them on a bookshelf and trusting that they’ll stay there that’s revelatory.

While books don’t jump off shelves, they do end up on the floor when a toddler pulls them down with his sticky, wet little fingers.

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Why I’m Taking Parenting Advice from a Cartoon Turtle

/ Shannon Brescher Shea / Leave a comment

Why I’m Taking Parenting Advice from a Cartoon Turtle (Image: The cartoon turtle named Crush from the movie Finding Nemo)

 

“Let’s start school in a year or two. Clearly you’re not ready and you’re not coming back until you are. You think you can do these things, but you just can’t, Nemo!” said a puppeteer holding a cartoon fish. I immediately burst into tears. Heavy weeping wracked my body as I tried to stay quiet.

“Are you okay?” my husband leaned over and asked.

“Noooo,” I whispered between tears. I absolutely was not okay. Because that cartoon fish dad was me and I was him and we were both utterly unprepared for our kids to be starting school.

I did not expect to have a parenting epiphany at Animal Kingdom in Disney World, but there we were. (Although maybe I should have, considering I had one last time we were at Disney World.)

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How Parenting Brings Out the Best Contradictions

/ Shannon Brescher Shea / Leave a comment

How Parenting Brings Out the Best Contradictions (Photo: Small white boy looking at a pretend giant honey pot)

Hugging my son, I felt him shake a little as thunder clapped and the lights cut out. A booming voice declared, “Oh, I didn’t mean to frighten you prematurely. The real chills come later.”

“That’s the worst part, honey,” I swore to him, squeezing him close. As we walked into the Haunted Mansion’s “doom” buggies at Disney World, I kept glancing at him, taking his emotional temperature. As we rode the ride, I pointed out little jokes and kept up a jovial attitude to help him enjoy himself.

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Reflecting on Our Past through Photographs

/ Shannon Brescher Shea / Leave a comment

Photo: Framed photograph of a white man and woman walking down stairs in wedding clothes, surrounded by people on both sides

Holding my wedding photo, I look down and see a snapshot of a moment almost 12 years ago. My hair up and my dress poofing out, I’m stepping down the church stairs, holding my husband’s hand. We’re both grinning the grins of those who are young, in love, and finally able to wake up next to the person they adore. On both sides of us, friends and family are blowing bubbles and cheering.

Back in the present day, my four-year-old is sitting next to me on the couch. He points to the person on my right. “Who is that?” he asks. I respond, “That’s my friend Drew and that’s Nana…” as I go through and identify everyone in the photo. No matter how many times I identify these people, my kids still ask. There’s a sense of magic in the ritual. It’s as if I’m evoking that day for them, allowing them to experience something they could never participate in.

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This is Me at 35

/ Shannon Brescher Shea / 2 Comments

The Beauty and Challenge of Turning 35 Years Old (Photo: Cookie cake with a birthday cake candle)

“What’s that?” my almost two-year-old asks, his constant question. He points at a circle of water on the pavement, rippling as droplets of water plunk down from the sky. It’s my 35th birthday and I’m out on a walk with him in the rain. I should be back in the house, cleaning before a party tomorrow. But I’m not. I’m just here with him, gazing at puddles.

“It’s a puddle,” I say. “You can splash in it.”

He tip-toes into the water. Then he stomps into the middle of the puddle, water splashing up onto his petite jeans.

A silver-haired lady walks by, a neighbor I don’t recognize. She says something I have difficulty understanding in an Eastern European accent. I finally catch that she’s asking my son’s age. I answer and she remarks, “She’s a good mom, letting you play in the puddle like that,” to my son.

This is me at 35.

35 is choosing the joy in the rain even if you “should” be doing something else. 35 is wondering what exactly strangers mean by their weird comments and choosing to take them in a positive way. 35 is following where your child and your heart leads.

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How to Reduce Your Mom Guilt and Still Love Your Kids

/ Shannon Brescher Shea / Leave a comment

Do you suffer from mom guilt, even when you spend as much time as possible with your kids? Try out these three tactics so you can be a less stressed, more content mom. 

How to Reduce Your Mom Guilt and Still Love Your Kids. (Photo: White woman and baby sitting on a furry beanbag.)

The last time my husband and I had a date night, my eighteen-month-old (nicknamed Little Bird) roamed his grandparents’ house, looking for us in every room. He called out “Mama. Mama” in this tiny little voice.

Thanks for the stab through the heart, kid.

Mom guilt is so real. Sometimes it’s deserved, sometimes it isn’t, and sometimes it doesn’t matter because your kids love you so much that they’re distraught if you leave for a split second, much less the entire evening. Yet we’re told to “take time for ourselves” and make sure you have “me time.” Good luck being able to minimize the mom guilt and still carry out self-care.

On top of the self-care piece, mom guilt actually hurts rather than helps our parenting. If we’re constantly paralyzed by feeling inadequate, then we can’t fully appreciate the times we are present.

As the Queen of Guilt – mom and all other types – perhaps it’s ridiculous of me to write this article. But because of my tendency to run right into Guilt City, no stops ahead, I’ve had to deal with it straight-on for the sake of my mental and emotional health. Taking these steps has helped me reduce my anxiety significantly. Hopefully, they’ll help you too.

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