How Families Can Build Their Emotional Strength Together

How Families Can Build Their Emotional Strength Together (Photo: Family looking at a sunset)

I try to read a scientific paper at work, but every few sentences, I’m drifting. My mind keeps jumping around, from checking my email to wondering if anyone liked my latest Facebook post to the latest political news. My body isn’t moving, but my mind feels like it’s running laps. Reading about physics is not happening. I turn off my computer screen, walk down the stairs of my building and cross the street into a public garden.

Once I get there, I walk slowly. I look intently at what’s around me, from the purple flowers to the tree branches arching over the path. Listening, I hear birds chattering, kids talking about their school assignment, the nearby car traffic. I feel the breeze on my face and the summer sun on my skin. My mind makes space for the sensory input and squeezes out the unending monologue.

Going back to my office, I start reading again, calmer and more able to focus.

While I use this technique to help myself, I’ve also found it’s effective for helping my almost five-year-old calm down. In fact, it’s one of the techniques that I’ve found work pretty well for both of us in developing emotional resilience:

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Why I Knew My Fiancé Would Be a Great Dad

Why I Knew My Fiancé Would Be a Great Dad (Photo: White man snuggled up against a white boy in bed with the covers pulled up to his nose)

Holding the hand of a little girl with my fiancé holding her other hand, I thought, “Perhaps this is what having kids is like.”

That’s because the little girl was not our daughter. She was one of the three girls that were part of the summer camp where my fiancé, Chris, and I were volunteering. To be honest, those three girls were the entire summer camp. But they were more than enough. Besides being the first kids to break my heart, they gave me a peek into what my fiancé would be like as a father.

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Why My Grandmother Would Be an Illegal Immigrant Today

Why My Grandmother Would Be an Illegal Immigrant Today (Photo of sign Refugees are human beings)

If my grandmother had come to America today, she might be in a cage right now.

My grandmother immigrated to America when she was just three years old. My great-grandmother and great-grandfather has come over to the United States from Poland a few years before. When they started running out of money, my great-grandmother returned to Poland to get help. But she didn’t realize something very important – she was pregnant. Because America didn’t allow babies into the country, the two of them had to wait three long years before returning to America. Passing through Ellis Island, they finally reunited with my great-grandfather. My grandmother’s first memories are of seeing the Statue of Liberty as they came into the harbor and meeting her father for the first time. She said he was the most handsome man she had ever seen.

Now imagine if they were immigrants today.

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Why I’m Taking Parenting Advice from a Cartoon Turtle

Why I’m Taking Parenting Advice from a Cartoon Turtle (Image: The cartoon turtle named Crush from the movie Finding Nemo)

 

“Let’s start school in a year or two. Clearly you’re not ready and you’re not coming back until you are. You think you can do these things, but you just can’t, Nemo!” said a puppeteer holding a cartoon fish. I immediately burst into tears. Heavy weeping wracked my body as I tried to stay quiet.

“Are you okay?” my husband leaned over and asked.

“Noooo,” I whispered between tears. I absolutely was not okay. Because that cartoon fish dad was me and I was him and we were both utterly unprepared for our kids to be starting school.

I did not expect to have a parenting epiphany at Animal Kingdom in Disney World, but there we were. (Although maybe I should have, considering I had one last time we were at Disney World.)

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How to Find Nature in the City and Suburbs

It may seem difficult to find nature in the city. But with these eight ideas, you’ll be able to find nature anywhere you go!

How to Find Nature in the City and Suburbs (Photo: Dandelion growing out of a sidewalk)

Flipping over a rock, I ask my kids, “Do you think anyone’s here?”

Spotting a rather large spider scrambling towards my pants leg, I almost drop the rock on my foot. “Ah ah!” I yell and shake my leg. My two and four year old turn to look at me, wondering what on earth just happened. “I just… there was a big spider. Did you see it?”

Despite the spider, we weren’t in a nature preserve or large forest. Instead, we were in a grassy area right behind our house, with a road on one side and a graveyard on the other. Despite living in a semi-urban area, we regularly find ways to encounter nature. I truly believe that you can encounter nature almost anywhere, even in the most urban of locations.

Here are some of our favorite ways to find nature in the city and suburbs:

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What Will Never Change as a Mom

What Will Never Change as a Mom (Photo: Dark room with animal decorations and crib)

Rocking in the big, yellow chair in my two-year-old’s room, the sweet folk melodies of the Fleet Foxes fill the room. The nightlight shines in the corner, throwing light and shadows on the beige walls.

My son’s little head nuzzles into my shoulder as his eyes close. I rest my lips on the top of his head, feeling his fine hair tickle them. I feel his warm weight leaning into me. Shifting, he climbs up onto my lap facing me, curling his legs under him. Then he’s back to sitting on my lap, his head leaning onto my chest. Every once in a while, he unceremoniously squirms and kicks the arm of the chair, trying to get comfortable. Eventually, he drifts off, his breathing becomes steady and his arms limp. I wrap my arms around him, cradling him as I place him in his crib.

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How to Find Your Group of Progressive Parents

How to Find Your Group of Progressive Parents (Photo: Homemade cardboard sign that says 'Yep George Soros paid me to rally with stickers and cheerios"

Writing letters in crayon to new refugees in America, I looked around the room and thought, “These are my people.”

My family was attending a kids’ dance party to benefit refugees in the wake of the Trump administration’s anti-immigration policies. It was organized by a local group of politically progressive parents. Beyond card writing, the event included a guitarist, kids’ Zumba, and of course, a drum circle.

It’s hard enough to find good “mom” (or dad) friends. It’s even harder if you want to find people interested in discussing racial justice or climate change in the context of parenting. But building community is key to preventing burn-out as both a parent and activist. It’s nice to talk to people with a variety of perspectives, but it’s also great to connect with people who have the same concerns as you do.

Here are a few ideas for finding like-minded parents:

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What I Remember When My Son’s Silliness Frustrates Me

What I Remember When My Son's Silliness Frustrates Me (Photo: Young white boy with a stuffed frog on his head)

“What did you do at preschool today?” I ask my four-year-old son.

Silence. And then, he yells, “Boobie-chang sweet barbershop!” So much for anything resembling a coherent answer. I will never have any idea what that phrase means.

On other days, I ask that exact same question and I get, “We learned about grasshoppers! Daddy told me that there are grasshoppers that don’t fly!” And we’re off to the races. It’s a barrage of information, but it’s a lucid and informative one.

It can give you whiplash.

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How to Make a Difference When Everything Seems Awful

How to Make a Difference When Everything Seems Awful (Photo: Hand-painted sign of The Lorax with the quote 'Unless someone like you cares a whole lot, nothing will change, it's not.')

The headlines never end. More school shootings. White people putting people of color in danger for merely living. The gap between rich and poor growing ever wider. America having the highest rate of maternal mortality in the developed world. The 400th straight month of higher-than-normal temperatures from climate change.

There is so much wrong with the world. I am so damn tired from it all. It’s so easy to be.

Unfortunately, no one’s going to come around and fix it. Change starts with us. It’s about radical kindness in your daily life. It’s about standing up and demanding justice and fairness from our policy makers. The political is personal and the personal is political.

When it feels like the world is awful, here are some ways you can make a difference:

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How Parenting Brings Out the Best Contradictions

How Parenting Brings Out the Best Contradictions (Photo: Small white boy looking at a pretend giant honey pot)

Hugging my son, I felt him shake a little as thunder clapped and the lights cut out. A booming voice declared, “Oh, I didn’t mean to frighten you prematurely. The real chills come later.”

“That’s the worst part, honey,” I swore to him, squeezing him close. As we walked into the Haunted Mansion’s “doom” buggies at Disney World, I kept glancing at him, taking his emotional temperature. As we rode the ride, I pointed out little jokes and kept up a jovial attitude to help him enjoy himself.

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