Halfway through the Dark – Traveling Home for Christmas

December 29, 2014October 17, 2022 / Shannon Brescher Shea / 3 Comments

In the midst of winter, we rage against the darkness with as much love and joy as we can muster, celebrating with family and friends. I celebrate Christmas, but it is only one holiday among many, whether it is New Years, Solstice, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or earlier in autumn, Diwali. We prepare ourselves for the coming cold by surrounding ourselves with light. This year, our family was so fortunate to be surrounded with love, even when we stumbled a bit.

Unlike many families, Chris and I never had to worry about sharing Christmas between two sets of parents. As we were high school sweethearts, our parents still live four miles apart. For the past several years, we’ve actually done a joint holiday, where we open presents separately at each house in the morning and then all have dinner together. This year, we stayed at Chris’ parents house for the whole week, along with his sister and brother-in-law.

But unlike previous years, we had a toddler. While Sprout was in our midst last Christmas, he was barely sitting up, much less mobile. He required constant supervision, but at least stayed where you put him. Last Christmas Day, we were able to prop him up in a laundry basket while he looked adorable in his little Santa pajamas. This year, he was everywhere all at once all of the time. Between the relatives and an endless parade of guests (Christmas Eve, Christmas dinner, the day after Christmas), plus the tree and decorations, there was a palable sense of excitement. Needless to say, there was none of his normal interest in sitting quietly by himself flipping through a book.

Adding to this chaos was a number of non-human friends. My sister and brother-in-law brought their schauzer puppy, Jasper, who is about half Sprout’s size. They became fast friends. Sprout would slowly pet him on the back saying, “Niiiice” in a tone that my sister-in-law likened to Borat. While he did become bolder over time, I was proud of how gentle and kind Sprout was to Jasper. Occasionally the constant petting became a bit much, but in general Jasper was very tolerant and enjoyed Sprout’s company. One of them was almost always following the other around. When I took Sprout over to my parents’ house, Jasper was genuinely excited when he returned. He was even protective of Sprout, barking when he thought he was doing something dangerous.

The other non-human friends were a bit more – mechanical. My mother-in-law loves singing animatronic Christmas decorations. In addition to her “people” (little synchronized carolers), a singing stuffed Santa, a set of Disney characters playing instruments, and a penguin, she bought Sprout a singing Christmas tree that was about half his height. To the tune of Rocking Around the Christmas Tree, it bounced, its mouth moved, and its little lights blinked. It was cute the first few times. On repeat number 10, it became intensely grating, especially when Sprout turned on all of the singing creatures simultaneously. It also bothered me that they mesmerized Sprout even more than TV. We hoped Jasper would attack them and force a retreat, but he seemed to enjoy them as well. Which meant the rest of us either had to tolerate the same recorded songs over and over and over again or whining that we hid the toys on him. We settled on some combination of the two, along with a heavy dose of distraction. Even my mother-in-law became sick of them eventually – it took a toddler for her to realize that someone could love her “people” even more than she did.

While Sprout was wonderfully careful around the dog and fragile decorations, we started to see some of the fabled toddler defiance emerging. He began saying “No!” with a snotty edge in his voice and a pout. He degenerated into mini-meltdowns a few times, both conveniently in public, at restaurants. Thankfully, getting away from the table helped calm him down significantly. I know that won’t always work in the future, so I’m working on my bag of tricks, including deep breathing (for him and me).

I couldn’t blame him for being on a bit of an emotional roller-coaster – everything was so confusing. After an absolutely bonkers December with the first two weeks spent traveling, we bopped from house to house several times over the course of the week. On the way there and back, we slept over at my aunt’s house. Once we were in upstate New York, we spent half of the time at my in-laws and half the time at my parents’ houses. And we weren’t alone in those places. As Sprout is starting to be afraid of strangers, the crowd of unfamiliar extended family and friends must have been disorienting. Considering how much was new and overstimulating, he did extremely well.

With all of the other thrills, he wasn’t that excited by Christmas Day. He’s too young to enjoy anticipation, so unwrapping presents confused him. His very first present was a Little Tykes slide and once he saw that, he wasn’t interested in sitting still enough to open anything else. To him, the wrapped presents were just fancy boxes.

Eventually, he did open them all with a bit of help. I wouldn’t say otherwise (of course), but I was extremely pleased with what everyone got him. While I wrote a list, I knew folks were going to buy items that weren’t listed. Fortunately, all of our relatives stuck to giving the types of toys we value – active, creative, practical, durable, and not electronic.

Chris and I chose to make the trek up to the great, cold north so that we can spend it with our family and old friends. It was worth every mile.

Why I Will Never Buy Elf on the Shelf

December 22, 2014November 27, 2017 / Shannon Brescher Shea / 12 Comments

The Elf on the Shelf is more than just an annoyance – it also promotes a lot of terrible values. Here’s why I will never buy Elf on the Shelf.

Why I Will Never Buy Elf on the Shelf (Photo: Picture of the Elf on the Shelf with a No Sign Through It)

Wandering the bookstore in December, looking for gifts, I really hope that my four-year-old doesn’t notice – or at least doesn’t care about – the Elf on the Shelf prominently displayed by the check-out counter. While I know it’s a beloved tradition in many families, I kind of hate the thing. Besides its aesthetics, it stands for a bunch of values that are the opposite of what I want to teach my kids.

For those who have had the good fortune of avoiding the Elf on the Shelf, it’s stuffed elf that comes with a book. The main idea is that the Elf is a spy for Santa who watches the kids all day and reports back every night. Each morning, the parent puts the Elf in a different place, some of which involve increasingly complicated scenarios. While I normally love toys that come with books, the only thing the Elf on the Shelf is good for is these hilarious photos that reveal the Elf in some very compromised situations.

Here’s why I will never buy the Elf on the Shelf:

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Envisioning the Future of Family Bicycling

December 20, 2014 / Shannon Brescher Shea / 1 Comment

Being in the middle of a burgeoning movement is exciting; being in the start can be pretty lonely. Fortunately, the bicycling for transportation movement in the U.S. is starting to embrace its more youthful sibling, the family biking movement. Last weekend, I attended the Washington Area Bicyclists’ Association (WABA) first D.C. area Family Biking Town Hall.

The event began with participants rotating through a series of stations, each inviting our input on a different subject. The topics ranged from ideas for the perfect family biking event (my favorite is the ABCs of Family Cycling) to best blogs for family cycling. They even asked to how to make the 50 States and 13 Colonies Ride more family-friendly. I think my best input was the important advice to try equipment with your kids before you buy it, so you don’t end up with a trailer your kid doesn’t like, as we did.

Besides the stations, I was glad for the opportunty to connect with some biking folks I haven’t seen in a while. While I expected to see the leaders of the DC and Gaithersburg Kidical Mass rides, I was pleasantly surprised to run into a prior member of the Rockville Bicycle Advisory Committee who as far as I knew had disappeared off the face of the earth. As it turned out, he had been a little closer – in Colorado, on a contract. Previously, he had helped us run bike rodeos for kids, so I was glad to see that he was still engaged in youth education. Sometimes, this city is so small and so full of talented, passionate people.

The WABA education director than gave a brief presentation that led into the main discussion. WABA acknowledged that they had been remiss in the past when they had frequently ignored the needs of families. One of the main problems is a simple lack of experience – only 1 of their 13 staff members has children. Considering the average salary of a staff member of a small non-profit and our local living costs, this fact didn’t exactly surprise me. Nonetheless, he said that WABA has realized that family cycling is “bleeding edge” and wants to ensure DC is one of the leaders in this next big step forward. While they can’t dedicate any specific staff members to the issue, they hope to integrate families into their current efforts and start some new family-oriented programming in the future. They finished with a pitch for their holiday party, which unfortunately reinforced their focus on young 20 and 30-somethings, as it was at a bar on a weekday night. At least they’re honest about their room to improve.

The discussion began with a broad visioning effort to describe an ideal family-biking location, then quickly broadened to include infrastructure needs, advocacy efforts and resources.

One thing everyone could agree on is that we want family bicycling to be normal, the way it is in Amsterdam and Japan, land of the “mommy bike.” Whether it’s pediatricians, drivers, or even other cyclists, we’re sick of people second-guessing our parenting and transportation decisions. As Megan from Kidical Mass DC said, we’ll have reached our goal “when people bike with their kids who didn’t bike before” simply because it’s the easiest, cheapest, most sustainable way to get around.

We also universally agreed that there’s a lack of centralized resources on family biking for current and expecting parents. While there are some home-grown blogs and a smattering of articles, there’s nothing that can walk people through all of the possible equipment, its advantages and disadvantages, and the process of actually choosing which one would work for them. One of the participants imagined a future where expecting parents learned about family biking options before they arrived at the hospital, just as they do now with car seats.

A desire for more protected bicycle infrastructure that is segregated from traffic was another common theme. What works for an experienced cyclist won’t necessarily work for a mom on a bakfiets maxing out at 10 mph or an eight year old on her own bike.

We also discussed the need to include parental voices in the policy conversation. One woman from Fairfax bemoaned the lack of female representation on bicycle advisory committees, as women are more likely to bring up issues relating to families. Fortunately, DC actually has strong representation in this category – the heads of both the Rockville and Arlington groups are women and at least half of Rockville’s committee is – but we can always do better. Another major problem is that a lot of the city meetings where people give testimony are very difficult for parents of young children to attend. WABA seemed interested in helping people know when and how to submit written comments as well as gathering testimonies to present at city hearings.

While none of this will happen overnight, it was encouraging to connect with other folks concerned about the same day-to-day issues and see a (bike) path forward. I’m excited to see what WABA will do with our input.

Unfortunately, almost every time I attend a family biking event, the commute reminds me of how far we have to go. The original plan was for Chris to drop me off after church and then drive home for Sprout’s nap. I would then get a Bikeshare bike and pedal two miles to the most convenient Metro station. The first hurdle was that the two closest Bikeshare stations were completely empty, forcing me to walk more than 1/3 of a mile to pick one up. Once I finally checked out my bike, I pedaled toward the National Zoo, only to find out that the road looping up and around the zoo was closed for construction. As the only other option was miles out of the way, I ended up walking my bike all the way up the zoo’s main path, which is a mile-long hill. It was only until I reached the parking lot that I was able to pick up a road. I ended up only biking a half-mile of the 2 mile trip, making it take more than twice as long as it should have.

Even though I don’t haul Sprout everywhere by bike (yet), I look forward to the day our vision is fulfilled and owning a cargo bike will be just a normal as owning a minivan is now.

A Puppet Show for the Tinest of Tots

December 17, 2014 / Shannon Brescher Shea / 2 Comments

When I was a little girl, my mom brought me to the summer home of the New York City ballet every year. At a young age, Chris knew the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack and was in three high school plays. So it was inevitable that we were going to introduce Sprout to the theater. I found the perfect opportunity at a local children’s theater company, which puts on shows for little ones called Tiny Tots. The shows are a half-hour long, the lights stay on, they understand if you have to leave in the middle of the performance, and tickets are only five bucks a person. As I wanted to do one, single family holiday activity before Christmas, their presentation of “Nutcracker Fantasy” was perfect.

Evidently, we weren’t the only parents with the same train of thought. There was a whole mess of toddlers (clearly the correct word for a group of toddlers) with their parents in the theater’s lobby. They were quite well-behaved, even when we had to wait in line to get in and again for the show to start. The theater was small, with a carpeted floor with a single long step across the room and bench seating along the wall. The stage was simple – curtains on the sides and a draped balustrade along the back.

As everyone finished settling in, our puppeteer came out for a brief introduction. Explaining that he used to work on Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood (!) and The Muppets (!!), he said he was familiar with all sorts of puppets. While describing the difference between mouth puppets that talk and marionettes on strings, he demonstrated of how to construct a muppet of the Nutcracker King. It was a nice introduction to the kids who had only seen mouth puppets (otherwise known as muppets) and held everyone’s attention while they seated a few more families.

He then moved on to the actual show, which mainly consisted of the fun dance parts of the Nutcracker. One marionette was a snow lady with naughty little snowflakes that ran away. A poofy poodle juggled snowballs. A Chinese acrobat did flips and balanced a plate on his head. Individual round, green puppets (“I think they’re trees?” I whispered) came together to form a Chinese dragon. A turtle on roller skates jumped and flipped. Elegant plants swooped to the famous Dance of the Flowers.

As his background would suggest, the puppeteer was very talented. His fluid, tiny gestures made it appear as if the puppet itself was doing all of the work. Even though they didn’t speak, each character had a distinct personality and interacted with him in their own unique manner.

Each section followed the same pattern, so it was easy for the little ones to follow along. The puppeteer gave a short introduction to each character, often referring to them as “my friend.” He then brought out the marionette, who did some sort of trick. In several cases, the character was “not very good” at the trick, so they had to try it a couple times with the puppeteers’ encouragement. While most of the puppets’ incompetence was on purpose, one of the dog’s strings broke and a snowball actually fell into the audience. In the end, the character succeeded at the task and moved off-stage. Each vignette was only a few minutes long.

Despite the simplicity of the set-up, there seemed to be a level of confusion among the adults. I heard at least one person say, “Where’s the Nutcracker?” I suspect there were also some parents who agreed with a Yelp review that complained you could see the puppeteer. Neither of these things bothered me though. The plot of the Nutcracker is notoriously thin and toddlers wouldn’t be able to follow it anyway. While some of the characters weren’t in the original story (I don’t recall any frogs on roller skates), the kids didn’t seem to care. Being disappointed at seeing the puppeteer I think is due to a bit of a lack of imagination on the adults’ part. I’m not a great puppeteer and I’ve had children much older than toddlers talk to a puppet I was controlling as if I wasn’t present at all.

In contrast to their parents, the kids were totally mesmerized. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a group of calmer, quieter non-sleeping toddlers. Sprout watched the whole thing on my lap, thoughtfully chewing on his hand. The kids started getting a little antsy towards the end, but even that was limited to a few comments and squirms. Parents in the audience only brought a few kids out into the hallway, which was impressive for a packed house.

Overall, I was quite impressed, although there were a few things I would change. The design of the Chinese acrobat puppet played off unfortunate racial stereotypes. While I understand that communicating facial features of people of color can be particularly challenging in a puppet, I wish it wasn’t so Fu Manchu-esque. The other thing that grated to me just a bit was that the puppeteer was somewhat demeaning to the puppets who didn’t “want” to try their trick. As the characters were a bit kid-like, I thought he could have a more encouraging tone.

Considering that the show was a great introduction to the theater, Sprout loved it, and it was cheap, we’re sure to be back to the Tiny Tots show in the future.

Partying with the Other Cartoon Mouse

December 15, 2014 / Shannon Brescher Shea / 3 Comments

From reading parenting blogs, there appears to be a trifecta of parental hate: Calliou, glitter (the herpes of craft supplies), and Chuck E. Cheese. So when Sprout was invited to his first proper kid birthday party at Chuck E Cheese, I was intrigued. I loved the place as a kid, but I was a kid then, so what did I know? I found that while it wasn’t as bad as everyone says it is, it was rather mediocre – somewhat fun, no more and no less.

Although Sprout hid behind my legs when we first arrived, processing all of the action, he moved on to the toddler rides soon enough. Much like the their bigger cousins at Disney World, he showed much more interest than enjoyment. His little face showed rapt attention, his eyes concentrated and mouth neutral. It wasn’t that he disliked the rides – when we lifted him off one, he’d tap the seat and look at us, asking to put him on again. Instead, he was focused on absorbing and making sense of the experience. He requested going on the tiny carousel and the creepy clock swing so many times that we had to take a break for our own sanity. I have no idea how on earth they could be fun, but I am clearly not the target audience’s age.

Of course, the other essential part of the Chuck E Cheese experience is the games. Which – and I know this makes me sound hopelessly old, boring and nostalgic – were really disappointing. A few classics were present: driving games, basketball, and my old favorite, skeeball. They had a baby basketball game, which after the Thanksgiving playground incident, I knew Sprout would enjoy. As we handed him balls, he gently placed them in the basket. It was absolutely adorable.

But most of the games weren’t worth wasting free tokens on. A few were cutesy one-shots, where you had 1 level that took 30 seconds and couldn’t progress to the next level without putting in more money. No marathon sessions of side-scrollers like the old days. But even worse, the large majority of “games” were kiddy slot machines. They just dispensed tickets instead of money. They required little to no skill, offered a single chance, and promised big prizes with low odds of winning. Instead of a place where you could play with your friends to accomplish a goal (even if it was an inconsequential one), these games have turned arcades into casinos! I don’t want Sprout feeding my money into these machines, I don’t want him to be isolated, I don’t want the plastic crap the tickets pay for, and I definitely don’t want him gambling. I was very glad he was too little to pay notice to these games – I’ll take the baby rides any day.

About halfway through the party, the staff members pulled us together for pizza and the Chuck E. Cheese show. The pizza reminded me of the “good pizza” in the elementary school cafeteria. The birthday cake itself (not from Chuck E. Cheese), was simple – sandy tan frosting – but toy tractors on top turned it into a perfect tiny construction site. The rock-star themed show consisted of a costumed staff member “jamming out” with the birthday kid. The birthday boy – who had just turned two – had no clue about the symbolism but had a grand time anyway. He loved the inflatable guitar and crown, even though he had difficulty understanding, much less following, the instructions of the Chuck E. Cheese staff member. Under her beaming smile, you could tell she was the tiniest bit exasperated with trying to get a two-year-old to play along with a party template designed for an older child.

Standing around the pizza table was the first time all of the adults attending the party were in the same place. Before that, we were following our kids around the ride/game area, ensuring they didn’t put anything weird in their mouths or push other kids. Now, we were so physically close that normal social graces would require us to converse. But anything with multiple toddlers doesn’t fall within the bounds of normal social graces. Instead, we ignored each other, focusing on our kids eating without causing a disaster area. I kind of wanted to talk to people, but didn’t even know where to start. The only person we knew was the birthday kid’s dad, which Chris met at a Halloween party at our town’s community center. Instead, Chris and I talked to each other and watched Sprout eat his pizza cheese-first.

In the end, we cashed in our few tickets for stickers and headed home, having survived our first trip to Chuck E. Cheese as a family.

The Children’s Museum of Pittsburgh: Won’t You Be My Visitor?

December 8, 2014 / Shannon Brescher Shea / 7 Comments

I am a huge museum nerd. As a kid,
one of my favorite destinations was the New York State Museum. When I travel, I usually visit multiple museums at a location. So I was very excited to introduce Sprout to his first museum experience. While we had brought him to art museums before, they were much more for our enjoyment than his. Even though we live in the museum capital of the world, they’re all designed for folks much bigger than him. As it turned out, having first real museum experience at the Children’s Museum of Pittsburgh was just right.

Pittsburgh has never struck me as a tourist destination, but I had to go there for work anyway. As I’m also traveling this week, Chris and Sprout came with me so I wasn’t absent for two weeks in a row. As it turns out, Pittsburgh actually has a wealth of cool, unique museums, all of which are very different in form and function from the Smithsonians.

I’ve been to a number of children’s museums, but Pittsburgh’s was easily one of, if not the best, I’ve ever visited.

One of the things that really set it apart was its focus on integrating art into the play space. For example, it had a whole exhibit called Tough Art, a series of pieces designed for children to touch and interact with. One piece was a metallic moon with stars that played different musical tones if you touched the moon and one of the stars at the same time. At first, it seemed like the same person needed to touch the moon and the stars to get it to work. But much to my delight, we realized that wasn’t quite right – multiple people could make the elements sing, but they had to be touching each other for the harmonic resonance to vibrate through their bodies. Holding hands, Chris, Sprout and I had a blast, working together to reach the furthest star. Another part of the exhibit was a series of white poles with colored spotlights that refracted off them, making your shadow shift between multiple colors as you moved. I don’t think Sprout noticed the colors, but we loved watching the rainbow of light as he ran loops around the poles.

Art was integrated into the regular exhibits as well. The Waterworks floor, which had water tools and toys for kids to experiment with, includes a piece simply called Rain Shower. Even the toddler area had visually sophisticated art as decorations, with stained glass pieces giving the area a fairy-tale feel.

Besides being interactive, the museum’s approach to art had two more unique facets – its invitation to children to think about the art as well as create their own. Many of the pieces had captions, just like in a regular art museum, but at a kid’s literacy level without being over-simplified. In the Makespace, kids can use sophisticated tools they may not have access to otherwise to create objects that meet at the junction of art and science. We didn’t visit that section because Sprout was too little, but I look forward to it when we visit in the future.

The other exemplary aspect of the museum is how it managed to have activities that were appropriate for, appealing to, and respectful of a variety of ages. For example, Sprout’s two favorite exhibits were a giant Lite-Brite board and a machine inspired by the bounce pattern of a Superball. For him, the Lite Brite board was awesome because not only did it involve sticking pegs in and out of holes, but the pegs glowed when you put them in! For me as an adult, it was still fun to arrange the pegs into different space-agey patterns. The Superball demonstration had a series of balls on poles that dropped in a wave when you pulled a lever. Sprout loved pushing the balls in place, pulling the lever (which he figured out from watching the museum guide) and watching the balls fall, bouncing up and down. He actually worked quite hard to push the balls into place – the only reason we helped was because we lacked the patience to wait! As he got older, I could see this exhibit still being interesting, for the way it illustrates the pattern of a wave.

Much of this understanding of and respect for children’s needs stems from the museum’s patron saint – Fred Rogers, who was a major influence in its founding and design. While he’s gone, his spirit very much remains in the museum’s special appreciation of children. Sprout had a wonderful time and was especially engaged by some specific exhibits. While would have liked to stayed longer, I was so glad we were able to introduce him to the joys of museums through the Children’s Museum of Pittsburgh.

Thankful for All of Our Families

December 4, 2014 / Shannon Brescher Shea / 3 Comments

We have so much to be thankful for. That’s never been more apparent than this past Thanksgiving, when we had not just one, but two different feasts with our church and biological families.

Usually, we trek home to upstate New York for Thanksgiving. But as it takes us close to 10 hours to get there and we’re going home for Christmas, we had no desire to make that drive twice in a month. Plus, a quirk of bad work scheduling means that I am traveling the first two weeks of December.

Instead, this year our parents came to us. I’m an only child, so it was simple for my mom and dad. For Chris’s parents, it was a bit more complicated – his sister lives in Las Vegas. As they couldn’t be on two coasts simultaneously, we delayed our Thanksgiving until Saturday.

Nonetheless, we carried out some Thanksgiving traditions on Thursday. Chris baked off Pillsbury cinnamon rolls, a treat his family has every holiday. We plopped on the couch for the Macy’s parade, which enthralled Sprout. He grooved to the Broadway numbers, tried to lift his leg like the Rockettes, “toot toot”ed at the Thomas the Train balloon, and loved the Sesame Street float.

With the afternoon free, we joined our church’s Thanksgiving dinner. We have one every year for congregants who aren’t leaving town, along with any family or friends they bring. This year, it was Chris, Sprout and I, my parents, another couple from our church with a small child, my pastor and his family, and one of my pastor’s homeless friends. The table was full of conversation and laughter. One of the more amusing incidents was my pastor’s son describing an imaginary Blue’s Clues parody that involved Blue rabidly attacking the videocamera and Steve using Slippery Soap to take a shower. While it was pretty funny, his dad shut it down before it got even longer and more inappropriate.

After dinner, several of us participated in the nerd-traditional post-meal activity of playing video games, namely an eight-person game of Super Smash Brothers. I couldn’t figure out where my character was half of the time, but it was a lot of fun. While the babies couldn’t play, they kept busy building towers out of Megablocks. Later on, we put them on the piano bench and they played the cutest little duet I’ve ever seen. While it sounded like a modernist sound piece, they were tapping on the keys rather than banging, which was impressive for a couple of toddlers.

That night, we pulled out the board and card games. After a couple games, my dad headed to bed while Chris, my mom, and I stayed up with a bottle of red wine. Although I had earlier insisted that six bottles of wine was too much for the weekend, I was clearly wrong. A couple of glasses each fueled a conversation about drunken escapades, poorly thought-out decisions, and other quirks of adulthood that was so engaging that we completely lost track of our game of 500 Rummy.

My in-laws arrived on Friday night, making the party complete. I’m extraordinarily fortunate to have a great relationship with them. As Chris and I were high-school sweethearts, I basically grew up with them.

Despite all of the company, I was relaxed. While I sometimes get defensive when visitors help with the dishes or clean my house, I accepted the assistance. As the grandparents adored playing with Sprout, I was happy to give them that time. At work, I’ve been sprinting from one project to another, so it was good to physically and mentally rest.

Thanksgiving dinner was similarly lacking in disaster. The menu was fairly traditional – turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, canned cranberry sauce (with ridges, of course), Crescent rolls, green beans, corn, and carrots. As it was the first Thanksgiving we ever hosted, we made some compromises – my family’s sweet potato casserole instead of his apples and yams, his canned cranberry sauce instead of my cranberry jello mold. We made about a million trips to the store and ran the dishwasher about 10 times, but that happens any time Chris takes on a big cooking project. The only thing that didn’t go quite according to plan was that for all of our existing kitchen equipment, we had to buy a turkey baster after the bird already went in the oven.

We even had time for some family activities. Heading over to the park, we found out that Sprout is very interested in basketball but tragically a little too short to play it yet. Our park has a “funnel ball” game, where you toss a ball up into a big funnel and it falls out of one of three holes. The adults were playing it, although we weren’t very good at actually getting it in the hoop. After watching us, Sprout took his ball, walked up to the pole supporting the funnel, stood up on his tip-toes, and threw it as hard as he could. Which was about three inches. And then he did it again and again. He was convinced that if he just tried hard enough, he would get it in. When we lifted him up to help him out, he was just pissed that he was still too short to get it in the funnel. He finally got so frustrated that we had to move on to a different part of the playground to prevent a full-blown tantrum. I had to admire his can-do spirit though.

The last day, we went to the National Zoo to see their Christmas light display. Needless to say, it was far more successful than our last trip there. While many of the exhibits were closing when we arrived, we saw some animals who are often hiding in the heat. Sprout watched the furry beaver intently as it ambled along and then splashed into the water. As he woofed at the wolf, it sulked by and then cast an intense gaze on him. He also liked the farm animals, especially the huge Holstein cow who had an astoundingly low moo. But his favorite part was the holiday train display, where he just stared at the three levels of trains going around and around and around for a good ten minutes.

I’m so grateful that I could spend the holidays with so many people who are both weird and wonderful.

Our House is a Very, Very, Very Fine House

December 1, 2014 / Shannon Brescher Shea / 1 Comment

Our house is small. Not Tiny House small, but substantially less floor space than the suburban houses Chris or I grew up in. While having a small house has its advantages, adding a third person to our family highlighted the need for more space. Fortunately, after years of saving and months of work, it’s now substantially bigger than it was. With the remodeling of our basement, we expanded from 950 sq ft to about 1400! Of course, like any construction project, it was not without its quirks.

Remodeling the basement was in the cards since we bought our house four years ago. Our entire house had been remodeled right before we bought it, so the main living area didn’t require any work. But we knew once we had kids, three tiny bedrooms and a single bathroom weren’t going to be enough. Even though the family before us raised ten kids in it, I don’t have the constitution to handle either that many kids or that little space. But we also knew we couldn’t buy a “starter house” and then move up. If nothing else, we wouldn’t be able to afford enough additional house that met our demanding requirements (single family, at least a bit of yard, close to Metro, walkable/bikable, good school) to justify moving. For those who aren’t familar with the D.C. market, it’s perfectly normal for an upper-middle class family to live in a house that costs half a million dollars or more.

Although we always planned on remodeling, we also knew we weren’t doing it ourselves. My interest and experience doesn’t extend further than painting, so there was no way in hell we were touching drywall installation, plumbing or electricity.

In fact, if I was in charge of the project, it probably wouldn’t have happened. I’m usually the planner in our house, but Chris really stepped up. He figured out the layout, modeled it on the computer, measured everything out, and taped the floor to indicate the locations of the new walls. He even stacked everything in the basement Tetris-style into the 5 square feet that was neither being remodeled nor already occupied by the washer, dryer, or hot water heater. As it took us half a year to pick a rug for the living room, I was very impressed by his level of focus and commitment. The layout was so accurate that except for a few tweaks, the contractor based his plans right off of Chris’s.

So far, so good. Of course, everything is good until you actually start construction. Our first major barrier came when we found out that unlike almost every other municipality, our town requires that you have an outside exit if you remodel the basement at all. (Most places only require it if you have a bedroom.) We had originally wanted to put in a door but put it off because it was too expensive. Now, despite the extra $10,000 cost (a third of our total budget), it was add in a door or cancel the project.

The situation changed once again when the construction crew tried to dig out the door and tested where the natural gas line runs through our yard. Of course, the line is at exactly the wrong depth. In the end, we were able to save the project by expanding the bedroom window instead of the door. Unfortunately, it still ended up being $5,000 more than our original budget without the functionality of the door.

On top of that detour, we also had picky plumbing inspectors, quirky permitting systems, forgetful plumbers, and over-scheduled duct-work specialists. None of them were show-stoppers, but they added up to a hell of a headache.

In particular, we were afraid that the construction wouldn’t be finished by Thanksgiving, as both my parents and in-laws were staying with us. If the basement wasn’t done, everyone was sleeping in our living room.

I was surprisingly unshaken by all of this. I had great confidence in Chris and the luxury of ignoring the problems. For once, I didn’t have a strong opinion and enjoyed it. Unfortunately, this was the opposite of what Chris needed from me. Between the high expense, the delayed schedule, the construction noises interrupting Sprout’s naps, and the nuisance of having people in the house, he was stressing out in a way that he rarely does. Responding with “meh” when he asked me for input aggravated the crap out of him. Meanwhile, I was having my own unrelated mini-meltdown. Both of us were pissed at each other, wanting the other person to drop their worries to deal with what we felt was a higher priority.

Fortunately, by getting some of the toxic thoughts out of my head, I had space to think about the remodeling project. In the past few weeks, I’ve tried to be much more interested, especially as our vision became more tangible. When it was just lines of tape, I found it difficult to imagine what it would look like. But once the walls were up and we needed to pick wall colors, I was able to care more.

With us working mostly in tune, we made the best of a frustrating situation. Chris was particularly annoyed at the switch from a door to a window. The lack of a door left an awkwardly-shaped spot where we were going to put a mud room. Instead, I realized we could use it to fulfill a lifelong dream – having a library. Sure, it’s tiny. But a “room” (albeit one without a door) devoted to books? Heaven.

Once we actually started talking, choosing the wall colors and accessories also fell into place. The color wheel’s absurd names (Palisade?) provided some needed levity. We chose an orange-tinged white and tan carpet for the main area and light blue paint with sandstone tiles for the bathroom. While I’m far from an interior designer, everything looks pretty nice together.

Like a reality TV show, the construction team finished right on the deadline. With my parents arriving Wednesday morning, the contractors left at 5 PM Tuesday night.

Like any design show, the big reveal topped it off. While Chris and I saw it every day, Sprout hadn’t. That night, we brought him down our newly carpeted stairs. At first, he gave us a look that said, “Was this always here? I don’t remember this.” After standing in the middle of the floor for a while, he walked from room to room, investigating each one. He was particularly interested in our huge storage closet, touching all of the shelves and pointing at the light fixture. To finish off, he ran in circles, enjoying the squishiness of the carpet that he doesn’t get from the hardwood upstairs.

In the end, the whole project turned out beautifully. Everyone had somewhere comfortable to sleep, Sprout has way more space to play, and we have a lot more storage. All of the delays were just little bumps on the way to our destination.

Why Toddlers Are Better than Newborns

November 26, 2014July 3, 2017 / Shannon Brescher Shea / 2 Comments

During Sprout’s first few months, every time someone said, “Oh, take advantage of this time while you can,” I wanted to smack them. I was strung out with sleeplessness, lonely, isolated as hell, and emotionally frayed. I loved my son and was amazed by his very presence, but was also terrified that I’d break him. Those first few months were definitely the hardest of my parenting experience and some of the hardest of my entire life.

In contrast, hardly ever anyone says that now that I have a toddler, even though I believe it would be much more appropriate. While Sprout certainly doesn’t lack his challenging moments, I enjoy my time with him so much more now than I did when he was first born. Toddlers get a bad rap.

Here are just a few of the ways in which for me, I find toddlers better than newborns:

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The Best Ethically-Made Toys for Your Holiday Gifts

November 21, 2014November 20, 2017 / Shannon Brescher Shea / 12 Comments

Ethically-made toys can be challenging to find, but these companies make toys in an ethical manner.

Browsing the internet and flipping through catalogs, I sigh and frown. I wonder if the toys I’m buying my kids for Christmas won’t just make them happy, but will also do good in the world. While I want them to enjoy them, I don’t want their toys to cause toxic pollution or be made by people who are underpaid and treated poorly.

Ideally, I’d love to buy perfectly ethically-made toys, with workers paid well in safe conditions, materials that are sourced in environmentally-friendly ways, and production that supports local economies. Of course, I also want them to be high quality, encourage creative play, and be usable over a long period of time.

While there’s no such thing as a perfect product, the companies that produce these ethically-made toys get about as close as possible. This post is not sponsored and I do not have affiliate links with these companies. I just personally like them and want to encourage ethical shopping.

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