A few years ago, I thought about what I had to do before Christmas and had a deep, sinking feeling. My own bedtime was already too late, my to-do list too long, and my anxieties far too sharp. I had gone through a personal tragedy earlier in the year and was struggling with a difficult pregnancy.
As much as I hated it, I had to give some things up. Even if it meant I felt like I was failing at Christmas. As it turned out, I didn’t regret a thing.
Here’s what I ended up not doing, what I learned, and what I’ve picked back up (and not) since then:
Not Giving Gifts to My Co-Workers
I like giving my co-workers gifts – it makes them feel appreciated and is another way to show them that I think about them. Because ethics requirements at my job limit the number of options, I usually bake cookies for them. It’s tasty, relatively easy, and something they all seem to enjoy.
But it just wasn’t happening that year. We were only in town for two weekends and cramming yet another thing to do in seemed painful. Especially because I couldn’t do it with my son – I wasn’t giving away anything a two-year-old helped bake. There was simply too much of a chance for toddler snot in it.
This is one thing that I’ve let go altogether. No one seemed to miss it all that much in my old office. Gift-giving isn’t even a thing we do in my new job. We did contribute a rocking cheese ball to my office’s holiday party.
Not sending out Christmas cards
I always feel like a crappy friend when I start getting Christmas cards and haven’t sent any out myself. I was going to do a photo collage that year, but after both CVS and Walgreens totally screwed up our orders the year before, even that seemed like too much work. While I considered purchasing New Years’ cards, that didn’t happen either.
While the world didn’t end that year, I have gone back to sending out Christmas cards. However, I’ve found some significant ways to simplify the process. I pick one decent – not perfect – photo. As long as one kid is smiling and the other doesn’t look miserable, it’s good enough. Rather than trying to be cheap and go to Walgreens or CVS, I just sucked it up and ordered from Shutterfly. At least they didn’t tell us that they had no record of our order like our local folks did.
Not being obsessive about buying local/ethically
I am a huge proponent of buying ethically-made toys and gifts. But as I was the mother of a two-year-old who didn’t have time or energy to flit around in local boutiques, I just did the best I could. I resorted to Amazon for most items, as much as I hate their absolute lack of corporate responsibility. I reassured myself that 1) at least I tried, 2) individual actions aren’t the end-all and be-all, and 3) by buying thoughtful gifts, there will be less waste altogether.
This continues to be a work in progress. I refuse to give up the green and ethical fight, but larking about to stores still isn’t something I can fit into my schedule. Boutiques don’t want little kids pawing at their stuff – especially not my younger one, whose goal in life is to empty all shelves – and I refuse to take that much time away from them on weekends. Instead, I’ve started doing most of my shopping from catalogs, including Uncommon Goods and the National Wildlife Federation.
Not buying all of the gifts myself
That year, I still picked out the large majority of the gifts, but I sent my husband out to purchase at least a couple of them. It was a pain to drag a toddler around a store, but it’s still less impossible than me doing it during my workday.
Now, most of my shopping is online. But I do think it’s important for kids to help buy gifts for others. It helps them think of things from other people’s perspective and teaches them how to serve others at Christmas. So my husband and older son went in person to the toy store to buy a gift for our town’s holiday drive.
Not seeing Santa at the mall
That year, my older son saw Santa twice – once at the mall with my husband’s parents without us and once at Sesame Place with my parents . Instead, we waved to him as we passed by; he even waved back. It’s all about teaching the kid small pleasures.
My kids have solved this conundrum for us since then – they have zero desire to see Santa. We didn’t even bother waiting in line this year. One less thing to worry about!
Not bothering with elaborate decorations
I’ve never been an elaborate decorator, but I’ve always wished I could be. (Albeit never like my mom, who actually made all of the Christmas ornaments for the entire tree one year.) That year, I stuck some of our kids’ Christmas books on the coffee table, put Elmo in a mini Santa suit (which is actually for a wine bottle!), and pulled out our wooden nativity. It’s got some holiday cheer and some religious aspect. That was enough for me.
This is the first year we’ll actually be celebrating Christmas in our own home with the kids, so we’ve had to step up our game slightly! Since they’ve been born, we’ve always visited our parents’ house. But since my parents moved to be close to us (thanks, Mom and Dad!) and my husband’s parents moved out West, we’re not trekking up North this year.
Our house is far – so far – from Martha Stewart, but we’ve made some significant changes. Our bookshelf has two out of three shelves devoted to Christmas decorations, albeit kid-friendly ones. Most importantly, we have a Christmas tree! I’m legitimately excited about that.
Not having limits on singing stuffed animals
I ban most singing toys in my household for their lack of educational value and high level of personal annoyance.
But my mother-in-law adores singing animatronics. At Christmas, her house looks like a holiday-themed Chuck E Cheese if all of the characters were six inches tall. For my older son’s first Christmas, she gifted him a Christmas tree that croons “Rocking Around the Christmas Tree.” Because he loved it so much, out it came that year, along with a piece of my sanity. Fortunately, his enthusiasm dwindled after the first 30 times or so playing it in a row.
The singing Christmas tree continues to hold an honored place in our household. Now, both the kids are obsessed with the damn thing. At least I used it as the basis for a somewhat deep conversation the other day. I guess it’s a small price to pay for having that song stuck in my head for the entire month of December.
Not feeling guilty for these things
Two years later, I’m still working on this. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned and continue to learn as a parent is to let go of my expectations, acknowledge my lack of control, and embrace the things that matter. Like everything else in life, the holidays are exactly what you choose to make them. I’m at least trying to choose peace, hope, and joy.
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