Holding the hand of a little girl with my fiancé holding her other hand, I thought, “Perhaps this is what having kids is like.”

That’s because the little girl was not our daughter. She was one of the three girls that were part of the summer camp where my fiancé, Chris, and I were volunteering. To be honest, those three girls were the entire summer camp. But they were more than enough. Besides being the first kids to break my heart, they gave me a peek into what my fiancé would be like as a father.

Just a Couple of Volunteers

We were volunteering at HOME, a cooperative community serving low-income folks in deep woods Maine. Along with the free day, it includes a food bank, a lunch program, a thrift store, a community farm, a house-building program (where they make their own roof shingles from sustainably cut, locally grown wood), an crafting area that provides training and tools to crafters, and more. It was everything a young, idealistic just-out-of-college student could want from a place to volunteer. Chris and I were staying in a ramshackle house with no running water and a spider infestation, that was surrounded by poison ivy. It was perfect.

At the “summer camp,” we were responsible for ensuring the three girls (two nine year olds and a seven year old) stayed alive and at least somewhat entertained. Over those three weeks, I watched Chris display so many of the characteristics of fatherhood: read to kids in entertaining voices, drive a van with rambunctious children in the back, and teach them life skills like not swimming in algae-filled kiddie pools.

The Skills of a Dad

But most of all, I saw his combination of strength and compassion. Like many low-income families, the three girls weren’t in the most stable family situations. The one nine-year-old came from a family who wanted to do well by their kids but didn’t seem to know how. Her parents were young – probably younger than we were as volunteers – when they had her. They didn’t seem to think about things like cleaning out the kiddie pool or keeping close track of her two year old brother. But they seemed to be trying their best.

The other two girls came from a far, far worse situation. They were sisters and their mom was a drug addict who was in and out of jail. They lived at HOME’s homeless shelter for women and families. Not surprisingly, they were constantly starving for attention, doing anything to gobble it down, good or bad. Their self-control was minimal. They were in one word – tough.

And yet, I watched Chris find ways to connect with them. He made them laugh. They listened as he told them wonderful stories.

He was also was a steady figure, willing to put his foot down when I wasn’t. When I felt helpless and paralyzed, he still took action. He didn’t give in during even the most epic tantrums.

Watching him made me realize how glad I was that I was engaged to him. How glad I was that one day, he’d be the father of my kids.

Seeing the Future in the Present

And now he is. And I still see those same characteristics in him, as he wrestles with our kids on the couch, makes funny voices at bathtime or is able to enforce rules when I’m lost. He’s there for them in every sense of the word, heart and soul. Not every day is easy, or even good, but he’s there over and over again anyway.

Despite having two kids of our own, I still reflect back on those girls we were with for just three short weeks. I don’t know what happened to them, except that the sisters’ mom whisked them away a few days before camp ended. We heard later that she was in trouble with the law again. Knowing we did all that we could do for them and couldn’t do anything else crushed me. But despite that, I was so glad that we could be a presence for them, even for just a little while. That Chris could be just a little bit of a dad when they didn’t have one and perhaps never had.

They say that you see people’s true colors in the most challenging situations. From that summer camp to the long days with an infant to the frustration that is dealing with a toddler who won’t sleep, I’ve seen that be true of my husband over and over again.

Even though he didn’t have anyone call him Daddy until many years later, I saw the heart of a father in him way back then.

For more on how my husband has been a model, check out How Becoming a Chef Turned My Husband Into a Feminist Role Model.