As I pumped my legs and leaned back in the swing, I noticed my younger son swinging next to me, in parallel, our swings moving in time together.
A memory of swinging as a kid flashed across my mind – the idea that if you swing in sync with someone else, it meant you would get married. I smiled. That saying was nonsense of course, mere playground silliness. But to see this being, the child who I remember being so small, swinging on his own, next to me, reminded me of our deep connection to one another.
How I would hold him in my arms when he was little, rocking him, back and forth, back and forth. Pushing my feet off the floor to rock the gliding chair in the middle of the night. Looking down at him as he nursed or drifted to sleep, those late nights both so hard and so beautiful.
How I would place him in the baby swing in the park, while his brother sat in the regular swing. I’d pull his brother’s swing as far back as I could, chug chug chugging him up before releasing him. Then I’d hop over to the baby swing, and push it as many times as I could before the bigger swing slowed down. Then another big push and it started all over, back and forth, back and forth. The awkward dance so often felt like it reflected the bigger challenge of being the mom of two kids, both of which so often wanted my attention and support.
How he moved over to the bigger swings, too large for the baby swings any longer. Sometimes there were two swings and with his brother able to swing on his own, they could swing in harmony. As they’d pass each other, they’d yell “hello!” back and forth, their voices echoing through the park. Other times, there would only be a single “big kid” swing and that would bring forth a new thing for him and his brother to argue about. Sometimes, I bit my tongue and let them work it out; sometimes I intervened. Often, I worried that I made the right decision and wondered what I would do next time.
And now he swings next to me on his own. He still won’t turn down a boost, but he’s fine once he gets started. I’m able to let him go on his own power while I enjoy the freedom of swinging my own, back and forth. He jumps off the swing and I’m still on mine, watching him run down the path.
Isn’t that what we do for our kids throughout their lives? Nuture them in the beginning, as they gain skills and confidence so then we can be beside them in the world. Eventually, they move through it on their own power and in their own way. We move between support and letting go, helping snd modeling – back and forth, back and forth.