Want your kids to embrace life and all of its forms of adventure? These eight principles for parenting can help you encourage exploration. 

Watching my three-year-old scale the “rock-climbing” wall at the playground, I bite my tongue. Of course, I don’t want him to fall. But neither do I want to discourage him from trying this new piece of equipment.

In theory, I want my kids to explore their world enthusiastically. They should feel safe enough to climb high, able to assess risk well enough to know what’s too high, and gutsy enough to pick themselves back up when they fall. But as all parents know, it’s a difficult balance.

Embracing these eight principles to encourage exploration in our parenting has made my children more willing to try new things. It’s also helped them appreciate a wide diversity of people and experiences.

Providing the physical, emotional and mental space to explore

If children’s schedules, minds and hearts are too wrapped up in scheduled activity, they won’t have the opportunity to play freely and discover new things. When community structure or parental oversight limits kids’ ability to roam, they won’t develop independence. If parents discourage children from trying new things, children will stick with the familiar.

In contrast, if children have the space to wander (both physically and mentally), they can find amazing things on their own. They can develop an inherent love of learning and experimentation that will help them be innovative throughout their whole life. They’ll develop an appreciation for new things and diverse people. They may find personal areas of refuge where they can reflect on who they are and where they want to be in the world.

Research has found that allowing children free time leads to learning for young children more than structured and adult-directed activity. In addition, it also helps children better develop their executive function that regulate thoughts and actions. Spending unstructured time in nature brings a whole host of benefits, including improving cooperation, imaginative play, and increased physical fitness.

Our kids are too little to let them roam around the neighborhood on their own yet. But we do provide them with unsupervised time in the house on a regular basis. Even when we’re outside, we usually hang back a bit, letting them lead the way. From spiky seedpods to weird mushrooms, they notice all sorts of things that I don’t. Even when we were in Zion National Park, we (mostly) walked at their pace instead of trying to force them to keep up with ours.

Unfortunately, this freedom isn’t available to all kids because of our society’s expectations. Many neighborhoods are unsafe to let children roam, because of traffic, crime, or paranoid neighbors.

Creating a safe “home base” to return to.

Letting kids wander is only half of the equation. What may be an adventure can quickly grow scary if you don’t have a safe place to return to.

Baby-proofing aside, I try to provide an emotionally safe space for our children. My husband and I work hard to listen to them, respect their feelings, and show them unconditional love. We draw quite a bit from the “positive parenting” philosophy, especially the excellent book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. We want them to know that they can always come back to us, no matter what happens.

In practice, this looks like showing empathy during meltdowns without giving in to them either. As our older son is an intense little guy, we have a lot of hugging and waiting for him to stop crying so we can have a calm discussion.

Teaching them how to understand logical consequences and evaluate risk.

Part of safely exploring is understanding the risk in a situation. We want them to be able to clearly think and plan out, “If I do X, then Y may happen and Z is how I’ll deal with it.” In addition to protecting themselves, logical consequences help children take responsibility for their actions rather than parents doling out punitive punishment.

Being able to consider the ethics and potential outcomes of an array of situations builds a foundation for lifelong resilience.

For us, logical consequences come up the most often when our kids are dragging their feet about doing something. At bedtime, if our son spends too long getting ready, we only read one book instead of two. If he’s not getting ready to go outside, we may have to skip the trip to the park.

Safety-related issues are the other area I’m really strict about. If my son doesn’t follow my directions while he’s riding his bike, he’s walking the bike home rather than riding it.

Seeking out a variety of experiences the whole family will enjoy.

“Family time” should have the potential to actually be enjoyable for everyone. I have no desire to slog through something because it’s “for the kids.” Instead, I’d rather lead by example with my own joy.

In particular, I refuse to show my kids movies and television shows that are actively bad. Admittedly, I have a higher enjoyment level of kids’ entertainment than many adults (see my love of children’s literature and Doctor Who). We do a disservice to children when we tolerate junk just because it’s “for kids.”

Similarly, I refuse to limit my children’s experiences to things designed just for them. We seek out a mix of experiences, with some oriented more to adults (art museums) and some more to kids (Sesame Place). The key thing is that they all have the potential for all of us to have fun.

Minimizing the amount of “stuff” in our lives.

Having too many physical possessions can get in the way of building healthy relationships and seeking out amazing experiences. Research shows that spending money on experiences rather than possessions leads to more happiness in the long run. As a parent, you can build much more long-lasting memories traveling or even taking day trips than buying toys, a big house, or other material goods.

In addition, the more things you own, the more you have to clean. I despise cleaning, mainly because I’m always thinking about all of the fun things I could be doing instead.

For Christmas and birthdays, we’ve shifted our gift giving more towards experiences than physical possessions. My in-laws are bringing us to Disney World (yes, we’re spoiled) as their main Christmas gift and my parents are getting my younger son tumbling classes for his birthday.

Minimizing inputs that dull appreciation for other types of activity.

As much as I love my computer and phone, we minimize screen time for the kids and for ourselves when we’re around the kids. Defaulting to electronic media when you’re bored doesn’t give you time to be creative. Similarly, if you’re used to a constant barrage of stimulation, sitting still to read a book or just listen to the birds is challenging. I see television and movies like ice cream – something that would be sad if you didn’t have it at all in childhood, but not something we have every day either.

Instead, we play a lot of games, both board and informal ones. Besides I Spy and 20 Questions (more like 50 Questions), we also play a game my parents played with me called “What Else Can This Be?” I’ll pick up something at a restaurant, like a salt shaker, and ask, “What else can this be?” Then, we take turns making up what it could be, like a rocket ship. Or you can always go the extremely silly route like my dad, who always answered “pierogi,” no matter what it was.

 

Treat everything as a learning experience but not an academic one.

If you treat everyday life as an educational opportunity, you don’t need special “educational” toys or classes.

My older son learned counting and his ABCs from reading alphabet and counting books like Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. When we’re on walks, I point out different ecological features and discuss the animals that live where we are. When we garden together, he builds his gross motor skills (watering the plants rather than his feet), learns plant biology (seeds to plants to flowers to fruit), and practices his colors (only eating the red tomatoes, not the green or orange ones!). While visiting art museums or concerts won’t teach him to be a world-class musician or artist, I hope it builds appreciation for these subjects. Most importantly, learning things organically will cultivate a sense of natural curiosity. That’s a skill that will never fail him.

Lead by example by valuing diversity.

Children learn far more from watching their parents’ actions than listening to what they say. I actively seek out new perspectives and experiences, including new foods and travel. Besides my actions, I use examples from my own life to encourage my kids to try new things. When my older son was scared to go in the ocean, I told him about how taking a trapeze class was both terrifying and fun.

Unlike some parenting philosophies, I don’t see this as black and white. There’s a place for old familiar habits and places we return to each year. Also, you don’t need to travel to other countries or the rural backcountry to explore; you can find so much in your own backyard. Explorational parenting is more of an attitude and approach than a prescriptive list of activities. I hope this helps you think about how you and your kid to get out and explore more!

For more on how to encourage exploration, check out How to Stay Sane When You Travel With Kids. Be sure to follow our Facebook page!